Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 25, 2024

Cats don’t have hands or cudgels, and are significantly smaller than you. I have none of those limitations.

It’s filled with flammable liquid and he has a lighter.

Let us spray.

Your spiritual guidance doesn’t work on cats.

Spray to the…

whatever.

I bet his nickname is Squirt.

If you spray below the waist, you can make it look like an accident.

I’ve done this. It really works. I add mint.

…say it…

…don’t spray it…

While you’re spraying those people, tell them it’s holy water and you’re baptizing them.

A bottle filled with ‘holy water’? “It buuuurns!”

I’m having a hard time envisioning Mr. Rogers disciplining a cat.

They don’t learn easily. Too much to unlearn. Real professionals use hydraulic excavators and front end loaders to remove previous teachings.

The spray bottle is actually filled with helly water, although the other suggestions above are noted.

Hey, you! Get away from my altar! You can’t make an offering there…! Quit that praying! I know you’re just making fun of my spiritual guidance.

Oxymoron

His desire to inspire this choir is all flocked up …!

There may or may not be hallucinogenic compounds in the water. Until we have obtained a clean sample, we cannot be certain.

Flamethrowers have been discovered to be ineffective…

We had a cat who became immune to the squirt bottle. He’d give us a dirty look and go back to what he was doing.

A squirt for a squirt only leaves both sides wet.

It doesn’t work THAT well on cats…

No flame wars here, please.

I know my guy dance would be inhibited.