Last Kiss by John Lustig for December 21, 2023

If your elves don’t make them, does that mean you do?

Would that be considered naughty or nice? Maybe it depends on it Santa gets to use those toys with her ….

Eh why toys when ya can gets real one.

They don’t? Why? Is Santa afraid of spreading joy competition?

You can tell it’s Mattel — it’s Swell!

It’s so cold at the North Pole, I thought they all vibrated.

I said they don’t make them. I didn’t say I couldn’t get you some.

However, they are prepared to offer an unreasonable substitute. After all, the guys work at the toy factory for 364 days a year, without a break, if you get my drift.

Ask for anthrocite …it’s hard coal.

Santa then offered her his personal candy cane.

Ask Mrs. Claus where she got hers.

Not publicly. Ask for the key to the back room door with the “Employees Only” sign.

If they made “those” kinds of toys, nothing else would get done all year.

I don’t know ? Santa looks a lot like John Lustig with white hair !

I want the battery concession!

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“Santa … they aren’t ‘toys’, they are they are health aids!”

One lump or two? It’s starting to warm up in here or is it just me?

Dear Billy,

Yes, I have the “dirty books” you mentioned. But if your Dad really wants them, he’s going to have to write his own letter.

Sincerely,

S. Claus

(“Letters From Santa Claus,” MAD Magazine)

“Will my finger suffice?”

( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

The Hells Bikers M.C. had strict rules regarding both their club’s colors and personal appearance (red club colors and white hair and beard).

(I dunno – that Santa just looked kind of rough to me)

Maybe if she had a coal-powered “toy”?…

Don’t worry little girl coal will heat things up too.

Breaks my heart to think you may wake up on Christmas morning and have nothing to play with.

No this mid-calf uggs is my booty call. See I’ve trimmed my nails.

>(•~•)<