Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 23, 2023

If you think you can hack the job, apply within

Bah, it’s a dead-end career.

Willing to hire deaf people.

Cutting-edge technology…

Be ahead of the times, wearing a mask.

They’re terribly comfortable. Everyone will be wearing them in the future.

Learn how to plan and execute.

The perfect job for those who want to get a-head. (I’ll show myself out.)

Revolutionary technology.

Must be a “people person.”

The job requires the qualified applicant to inter-axe with a variety of people.

Health insurance?

That soreness he gets in his chopping arm? It’s a splitting-head ache.

Family discount?

“Things can get a little messy, so the squeamish need not apply”.

Accelerating pay scale for a chop off the ol’ block.

Just no respect for artistic tradition — only three steps to the platform. should be 13.

Whether true or not, the story is that nobles were expected to give a tip (in advance) to the executioner for a quick cut. (And one bungling axe man was worried he should give it back to next-of-kin.)

Execution methods for the riff-raff were slower and more painful. This goes back to at least the Romans… Although, as far as we know, Romans didn’t tip.

The origin of three strikes and you’re out.

Alas, rather a gruesome toon this day. Just what, pray tell, are you advocating, Mr. Wiley?

And you get to wear a cool mask.

Axe me no more questions…

Still, better than going to Amazon.

is it a paid internship?

I wonder how much an executioner gets paid? I mean, you’d think he makes a killing.

Maybe he could take the basket, make a sign saying “Victim of Climate Change” and sit in front of a Starbucks in an upscale neighborhood. You know, the ones where people tip the baristas.

Your critical skills are needed in the service of God and the King.

Severian joins the Guild.

Advertising mantra: don’t sell the steak, sell the sizzle.

With this job you’ll help people quickly shed a few pounds.

It’s always better to be the chopper than the choppee.

A-tisket a-tasket

Another head in my basket

I bought a basket for my mommie

On the way I dropped it

I dropped it, I dropped it

Yes, on the way I dropped it

A little girlie picked the head up

And took it to the market

She was trucking on down the avenue

Without a single thing to do

She was peck, peck, pecking all around

When she spied it on the ground

A-tisket a-tasket

She took the head from my basket

And if she doesn’t bring it back

I think that I shall die

No, no, no, no

(Was the hair brown?) No, no, no, no

(Was the hair blue?) No, no, no, no

Just a little yellow hair in my basket

But will you be the executioner or executionee?

The down side is that there are no returning clientele, once and you are done.

There used to be a comedy team called “Smee and Blogg, the singing executioners” that made the rounds at Renaissance fairs. Their tag line was “you’ll die laughing”.

Yes, they were quite funny in a dark sort of way.

https://www.singingexecutioners.com/

Recruiting sign on a local establishment-Come join us: odd hours, no pay, cool hat(Posted by our local volunteer fire company)

And the job is: axe handler; basket catcher/carrier; or head donor?

Yet another job replaced by technology

What’s the pay scale?

Was this really how basketball got started?

They’ve got two men out with the flu,and it’s utter chaos down there…..

Business will always be steady, no matter the economy.

Wait for it … a job in which you can get a-head ….

70 year old Margaret Pole, cousin to Henry VIII, was executed by him in 1540. The regular headsman was out so they got a novice to do the deed. Margaret, professing her innocence of all charges ( which she was) wouldn’t put her head on the block and was horribly chopped down as she ran around the yard.

According to Hilary Mantel’s novel, they sent to the continent for the finest head-chopper-offer Europe had to offer for Anne Boleyn’s execution. They didn’t want a clumsy job done. When Cromwell’s turn came, it was apparently done clumsily, requiring several tries.

Making headway

Don’t forget: Entertainers are usually highly-paid.

Pity the people he learns on.

Experience in this job could lead to a future career as a corporate head hunter.

And it comes with it’s own uniform – a simple black hood.

“No experience necessary…. We will help you sharpen your skills”

As soon as you’re hired they’ll give you the axe

He might be axing for trouble

It is a sharp job

Paging Doctor Guillotine

People might lose their head for you

No backtalk from users! I like it!

Surprised they used a sign to try to fill the position instead of a headhunter.

HR recruiters, getting cleverer, they got to, ain’t got nothin’ else on the ball…

The reason for the Guillotine was this right here.

France

Etymology

For a period of time after its invention, the guillotine was called a louisette. However, it was later named after French physician and Freemason Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, who proposed on 10 October 1789 the use of a special device to carry out executions in France in a more humane manner. A death penalty opponent, he was displeased with the breaking wheel and other common, more grisly methods of execution and sought to persuade Louis XVI of France to implement a less painful alternative. While not the device’s inventor, Guillotin’s name ultimately became an eponym for it. Contrary to popular myth, Guillotin did not die by guillotine but rather by natural causes.9

Invention

French surgeon and physiologist Antoine Louis, together with German engineer Tobias Schmidt [de], built a prototype for the guillotine. According to the memoires of the French executioner Charles-Henri Sanson, Louis XVI suggested the use of a straight, angled blade instead of a curved one.10 Wikipedia.

One job where I’d hate to get the axe.

Can’t help but think of Gene Wolfe’s wonderful Sevarian books.

Summer? What happens the rest of the year?

Fire is better. Remember Curly said “A hot steak is better than a cold chop.”

Must know how to keep an axe really sharp.

Sick humor but, nonetheless, humorous!

People-oriented – “Hello .. goodbye!!”

tis a cutting edge job

Sign looks like a Monopoly title deed

No customer service skills required.