Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for November 09, 2022

I believe, Pig has found his calling.

Chocolate and cheese? Heaven is in Switzerland?

“Works righteousness”

♪ Heaven is a place / A place where nothing ever happens ♪

What, no doggie treats? Who else is more deserving of Heaven??

AND your pants don’t shrink… if you have pants of course.

I should think that a proper Pig’s heaven would be to be the featured attraction at Christmas dinner…

PIG, you didn’t mention as much bacon as you can eat with no calories

Rat, I think you have some purgatory dues to pay.

… honestly that sounds like what heaven should be… and at least part of what it should include.

very effective gentle persuasion

Blessed are the gentle and meek.

Blessed are the the innocent and those who are pure in heart.

Remember, (IN 1991(nineteen ninty-one(after “jesus christ” died) AD, BEFORE the “new” millennium), in pre-pixar times, the “STAR” of finding Nemo AND finding dory, it’s underappreciated “sequel,” a writer/director/actor/stand-up comedian named ALBERT BROOKS “made” his 4th(yes, fourth, what IS IT WITH ME and “sequels” of the “4th(fourth)” variety, anyway?!)feature film, much beloved, by the way, thanks to HBO, WITHOUT his “usual” writing partner/director/editor, etc., (think kevin Patrick Smith without his “right arm” in the form of “Scott mosier,” MR. BROOKS’S "usual partner’ was a woman named Monica johnson, a no-show for the MOST HERALDED, by “everybody,” FEATURE FILM NAMED “defending your life,” by, (all by himself, see?) a mr. Albert brooks, who, while addressing issues about the “afterlife,” made the SAME “points” as pig, in a film about “what REALLY happens to you after you die….” (seems like we’re ALL either a)READING from the “same source,” or b)tell the same “brilliant/corny” jokes!!!! Who knows? We ALL have the same GOD, right? Bye Dan aka…..

Don’t you mean act good not be good?

Even Rat is impressed on that one!

Rat, do you have it in you?

I like today’s strip a lot.

I have always been amused, I guess is the right word, by how differently each man made religion describes heaven.

Haha, pig dreams on…

Heaven is a place on earth, so says Belinda Carlisle.

Warrant suggests that heaven isn’t too far away.

Bryan Adams feels that as long as the love of his life is here in his arms, he’s in heaven

Los Lonely Boys haven’t got there yet, and want to know how far heaven is

Bruno Mars feels as though he’s been locked out of heaven

Axl Rose is knockin’ on heaven’s door, unsure if he’ll be let in (yeah whatever to you Bob Dylan purists)

Led Zeppelin is taking the stairway, so it may take them a while to get there

Oddly, heaven appears to be on fire, according to KISS

Wham! can be found at the edge of heaven

The Cure thinks something or other is just like heaven

Heaven may be small and can fit right beside you, per Alice in Chains

Loverboy sees heaven in your eyes (man, those Canadians are so sentimental…….)

Heaven is missing at least one angel, per Tavares

Raise your hands to heaven, because Breathe told you to

Phil Collins got sidetracked because something happened on the way to heaven

If you see heaven, say hello from Temple of the Dog

Heaven is a place in the clouds for good people. I don’t think Rat has it in himself to be good.

I hate to break it to you, Pig, but good deeds do not guarantee a ticket in paradise.

Too late RAT! Your obnoxious behavior has already been etched in stone! ☺️☺️☺️

Actually, the ultimate destination of those who trust God is not heaven, but a renewed (perfected) earth, or, as CSNY said, “Back to the garden.” So don’t worry about that traditional image of getting bored strumming a harp in the clouds. That’s not what we’re destined for.

Count me in.

Are there bathrooms in heaven?

Can that cheese be turned into a cheesecake? If so, I’m in.

Heaven is one of the most unfortunate ideas ever invented by humans

Just be good for goodness sake, regardless of what the afterlife holds for us…..

cheese

Be careful what you wish for. I’m reminded of the Twilight Zone episode where the crook died and ended up in the afterlife, where he was granted his every wish. However, he soon became bored that everything came too easy, and deciding that he didn’t belong in Heaven, begged to go to “the other place”, only to be told that this WAS the other place!

https://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/07/19/heaven-for-climate/

I’d like to the beverage menu before I make any rash lifestyle changes.

Rat would prefer unlimited beer!!

Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.

He must be Presbyterian.

Or become constipated, I suppose?

Psalm 37:29……enough said

If you include lactose tolerance for the milk chocolate and cheese, my whole family will want to be in on it.

“Heaven for climate, Hell for company.” Mark Twain

Not the best justification, Rat. But give it a try. It may make the world better.

Angels eat?

Unless it’s combined with Norse mythology. Specifically Vahalla and slain warriors being taken to Vahalla. In thaat case, they’d die every single day, and come back to life to feast every night.

Before I’d agree to go, I want to know if the cheese and the chocolate are high quality (hey, this is eternity we’re talking about). If the cheese is individually wrapped slices of American cheese (aka, pasteurized process cheese food) and the chocolate is the cheap kind they use to make chocolate coins, I’ll pass!

Did they say anything about living well? It’s not always a good thing you can’t die.

There’s more to being good enough for Heaven than having chocolate and cheese. Being good in this life is important on its own.

When Mohammed died, he went to Paradise, where he met George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee, and many other folk from the Old Dominion State. He complained to Allah, asking where were his 72 virgins. Allah replied, “Virgins? I said, ‘Virginians’”.The original joke was much longer, but I shortened it to the basics.

Pig’s idea of “heaven” is very piggy, but cute. Just the sort of thing Rat would go for!

I see Heaven as having no food, shelter, or money. You don’t need these things.

You can’t do good to go to heaven