The churches in town were all suffering from a squirrel problem.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they certainly should not interfere with God’s will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels really liked the slide and, unfortunately, all knew how to swim, so there were twice as many squirrels the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free behind the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the waterslide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out bowls of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much vandalism a band of drunk squirrels can do.
The Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy—they baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church, so that now they only ever see them at Christmas and Easter.
The squirrel problem at the Jewish synagogue lasted about a half hour. They grabbed the first squirrel they saw and circumcised it. They haven’t seen another squirrel since.
A mud volcano near the Salton Sea in Southern California was moving a few years ago. It caused problems with a highway, a railroad, and required moving a fuel pipeline.
I suppose the count of ant species is “correct” as it stands, but a quick Google finds a number > 22,000. (And speaking as an entomologist, the number is probably 10 times that!)
eromlig over 2 years ago
Tonight’s joke is short and sweet…well, short, anyway.
A man takes his wife a glass of water and two aspirin. “But I don’t have a headache,” she says.
The man smiles in triumph, and says “a-HA!!”
monkeysky over 2 years ago
Shame Judah wasn’t a twin. I guess something to aim for 200 years from her birthday.
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
But was Judah Grace Spear the parents’ second-born? (Where are the other 600 mud volcanoes?)
JDP_Huntington Beach over 2 years ago
Ripley, can you please get rid of the smiling Putin on your logo? Or are we all going to pretend that is Bela Lugosi?
gmu328 over 2 years ago
wonder what judah’s lucky number will be
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
And from that day forward Judah Grace has worn a tutu.
Take care, may failed but fun loving ballerina Fifi “Ho Ho Ha Ha He He” Heford be with you, and gesundheit.
Caldonia over 2 years ago
You’re right. I don’t know thay. I have no idea what thay is.
USlackr Premium Member over 2 years ago
And She had 2 parents, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes and 2 ears…..
JDP_Huntington Beach over 2 years ago
I thought Mud Volcanoes were people who took a turd for the worst….
oakie817 over 2 years ago
just two funny
Will E. Makeit Premium Member over 2 years ago
if those ants are classified then how did you get access to their information?
markhughw over 2 years ago
There are about 5400 species of mammals and declining.
poppacapsmokeblower over 2 years ago
I hope Judah Grace Spear has two loving parents and two sets of two loving grandparents … too.
198.23.5.11 over 2 years ago
CONTRIBUTION.
This can be confirmed in Solti’s own memoirs.
The great classical orchestra conductor Georg Solti once’cut his finger badly while cooking his meal.
Figuring his fingers were his lifeblood,Solti superstitiously never entered the kitchen of any home he lived in for the rest of his life.
And that was a long time(Age 85).
mindjob over 2 years ago
Also, there are more than 13,000 classified species of aunt
FassEddie over 2 years ago
The churches in town were all suffering from a squirrel problem.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they certainly should not interfere with God’s will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels really liked the slide and, unfortunately, all knew how to swim, so there were twice as many squirrels the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free behind the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the waterslide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out bowls of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much vandalism a band of drunk squirrels can do.
The Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy—they baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church, so that now they only ever see them at Christmas and Easter.
The squirrel problem at the Jewish synagogue lasted about a half hour. They grabbed the first squirrel they saw and circumcised it. They haven’t seen another squirrel since.
Jogger2 over 2 years ago
A mud volcano near the Salton Sea in Southern California was moving a few years ago. It caused problems with a highway, a railroad, and required moving a fuel pipeline.
mpolo11 Premium Member over 2 years ago
And the doctor had taken 2 ibuprofen that day!
alkabelis Premium Member over 2 years ago
Judah was also born on a TUEsday
kaboobs over 2 years ago
I guess that this gives her the right to bare arms.
gozar over 2 years ago
You can make a mud volcano by feeding Taco Bell to a regular mountain.
djlactin over 2 years ago
I suppose the count of ant species is “correct” as it stands, but a quick Google finds a number > 22,000. (And speaking as an entomologist, the number is probably 10 times that!)
spaced man spliff over 2 years ago
Did the nurses dress him up in a two-two?
Pickled Pete over 2 years ago
ReTest