Close to Home by John McPherson for May 03, 2021

Bleeb you’re not the one stealing the lunch’s are you.

Use those sandwich bags that have the fake mold patches printed on ’em. :-)

Quite a few years ago where I worked, one employee was highly suspected of continuously stealing the lunches of others, but wasn’t ever caught in the act. One other employee got tired of having his lunches stolen. He warned other employees, that he brought in what appeared to be homemade soup. He had loaded it with a rather potent laxative. The suspect was seen rushing to the restroom a short time later. He made it known to the suspect what he had done, & warned him to never steal anyones lunches again. That ended the lunch thefts.

Here’s your next iteration of the CSI Series. Maybe CSI – GI!

- – - yeah, OK, I’m going.

The president of a company where I worked would rummage through folks lunches and take food. I complained to him. His rationale was he was Mexican and Navajo and tribal sharing was a cultural thing. He is an o.k. guy otherwise but going forward I would go off campus and buy my lunch.

Should just be an Open and Shut case.

On the plus side the fridge finally got a thorough cleaning.

Back in school we also had this problem one year. Whole class rooms would have their lunch eaten or destoryed. 4 class rooms were getting hit at random. Class rooms would leave the room for such things as PE and come back tot find the room had been hit. One day an ambulance showed up to take one kid to the hospital. I have no idea what was put in the lunch he ate but he was out of school for 2 weeks A set of keys was found on him at the hospital the fit every door in school. Never did learn how he got the keys.

Oh yeah, private detectives. I don’t see them on TV as much as I once did.

Bleeb is just chillin’

Ha! Dalcon got squashed and tossed out with the trash.

Bag it and tag it!

EVOLUTION OF MAN

1. Modern man

2. Cromagnon man

3. New Guinea man

4. Neanderthal man

5. Peking man

6. Piltdown man

7. Nebraska man

8. Heidelberg man

9. Lucy

10. That green fuzzy stuff in the break room fridge

There is literally a YouTube video regarding this today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQ61GWk8BfI

People should make ‘loaded’ lunches. Food with lots of pepper or hot sauce, food coloring that would turn the thief’s mouth a color or spoiled food on the bottom and fresh on the top. Maybe even go to the length of peeing in it…

All these “cute” stories about lacing food should take note. Even though people stealing other people’s food are jerks, tainting a person’s food amounts to criminal assault. If it results in real harm, risk of death or actual death, then you can expect jail time.

Ownership of the food is not a defense. If you taint your own food, hoping that another person is going to consume it, then you are still tainting another person’s food. Your only purpose for tainting your own food is to assault the thief, because you’re clearly not going to eat it once tainted. I believe a security camera is a better option.

One of my favorite commercials is the boss confronting the guy who was eating everyone else’s Doritos… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMdwJ7fyp00

A good ol mousetrap in the doggie bag oughta do the trick

My last boss used to take my lunch out of the refrigerator! I’d loudly announce, “Who took my lunch!” And he’d keep real quiet. Annoying! I finally quit putting it in the refrigerator and kept a cooler by my desk..

Smell everyone’s breath!

Maybe it’s time for the old “snake in a can of peanuts” gag. With an exploding dye pack from the bank. Waving back at you Bleeb! No, no! Don’t touch those! You don’t know where they’ve been! :)

Before calling in these investigators, go interview Wally from Dilbert. If he didn’t steal it, ( 80% chance he did), then you have a mystery.

Bleeb! Was it you?

Appears that it occurred between breakfast and lunch. That’s right…we’ve made a brunch-through on this crime. (Cue the CSI: Miami music as Caruso puts on and adjusts the sunglasses.)

I wonder if people who do this, don’t consider it really stealing since it’s just food. I guess they have to rationalize their behavior somehow, but it’s still taking something that doesn’t belong to them.

My mother bought a nice tote for me to carry my lunch to high school and I got some nasty comments from other girls. I used it so as not to insult my mother and also so I could take my own beverage. Years later my friend told me that someone regularly stole other people’s lunches out of their lockers. All those lunches looked alike in brown paper bags so it was pretty safe to take any lunch into the cafeteria. I did not even know that lunches were being stolen.

Had a fellow employee who repeatedly kept stealing my daily energy drink. I made a sleeve to wrap around the can that said “There is a special place in hell for someone who would steal from a coworker” Never lost another can.

The biggest issue is, this is the fertility clinic!

Looks like they could also be cleaning out the hazardous lunches that have been in there for months.