Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 17, 2014

I’m with Stephan — there are only 3 Star Wars films, which were followed by 3 terrible mistakes.:Can you say “Jar Jar”?

I guess Stephan hasn’t heard that the seventh Star Wars film is already in the planning stages — and that George Lucas eventually plans to make all nine.

There’s only one good Star Wars film: Empire. …Yes, you can’t deny that the original film started a revolution, but, as Harrison Ford said (censored), “You can type this stuff, George, but you can’t say it.”…(and I agree with Stephan – as long as we deny it, they don’t exist. I never saw the prequels, so obviously they can’t exist.)

Oh, and nobody ever remade “Psycho” either.

You guys are all in denial, they exist… admittedly they weren’t as good as the originals, but still.

I was disappointed as soon I saw Princess Leia wasn’t as hot as the original movie poster made her out to be. Return of the Jedi did remedy that somewhat.

There was only ever one Jaws.

There was only ever one Jaws.

There was only ever one Jaws.

Meesa think Stephan a protest too much-a.

Star Wars?….Is that like Battle Bots?

does this make Stephen a Film Denier?

Why does everyone always forget Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure? Okay, I mean episodes 1 -3 look good in comparison, but it exists and denying it won’t make it go away… ;)

Three Star Wars films and three wanna-be failures to date. The jury is still out for any not yet released .

What did everyone expect? George Lucas is the guy who took everything he learned about making movies from the original Star Wars trilogy and used it to create Willow. I went into Phantom Menace with very low expectations… and I was still disappointed.

Godfather movie is roughly 10,000 times better than the book.

And there was only one Arthur movie, for the record.

There’s also no third Jurassic Park film.

For me the first one was the best, and second and third the poorest. I liked the last three a lot.

My expectations of Episode VII are so low that I expect Mickey & Minnie to be the start of the new Jedi Knights and Kermit as the Jedi Trainer (Yes the mouse owns Henson properties now)

No, there aren’t.The original series is a light comedy peppered with some drama and action. The other films pretend to be very dark and realistic and the truth is they fell very short. And when you see them all together in the order that the creator intended, it’s like watching Dirty Harry as a prequel of Sledge Hammer… with the difference than Dirty Harry and Sledge Hammer are better and cheaper…

Third Godfather movie!!! Hahahahah!Good one Pastis!I almost fell for that one…

They were only one that was worth anything. The first one. They should of never made any sequels at all.

That’s not unusual when for /novellisations/ – usually whatever was written first is better.

That’s because the writer has been percolating the story in the back of his/her mind for, probably, decades. It becomes a hit and then the creator’s supposed to knock out a sequel in less than a year. Of COURSE it’s not as good.

Stephan is a typical Denier. Rat is (unusually for him) a True Believer.I wonder what Dracula would think of all this?

thank goodness for CG’s they made the Movies.

1) I’m waiting for Steph to mention one of my favorite movies…Robert Blake, Robert DeNiro, Robert Duvall, Robert Redford and Robert Vaughn in “WHAT ABOUT BOB?”

2) Fans of Zeeba Zeeba Eata should read today’s “Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” cartoon!

There…are…4…lights!

Stephan was a child when the first Star Wars trilogy was made? Makes me feel old. Star Wars was released the year I graduated from high school.

people really hate the episodes 123. they also hate the clone wars. wonder what they would say about episodes 789?

Stephan has become the internet.

For once I agree with Pastis, maybe if we all say the prequels never happened enough times, it will become true

I’m definitely behind Pastis on this one. I pretend those other movies are a different trilogy inspired by the real Star Wars movies. ;)

I’m a big fan of denial. I’ve got your back, Mr. Pastis!

Sadly, there was Caddyshack II and Major League 2.

Would that also work for ‘Pearls Before Swine’?

Fanon discontinuity (http://preview.tinyurl.com/4vrzofl)*—the only way to stay sane in a world of schlock.

*Warning: TV Tropes link; do not click if you need to do any work today

There are currently 7 Star Wars films. You forgot The Clone Wars, which led into the greatness of the TV series by the same name.

There was only one “Matrix” film.

It was Lucas’ intention from the beginning that there would be nine Star Wars movies.

About half an hour of watching Star Wars was as much as I could take.

Just not into Sci-Fi movies.

xxx

Take the special effects out of Star Wars (A New Hope, if you insist), you’ve got nothing. Empire Strikes Back had what none of the other movies ever had: a real writer and a good story.

Jar Jar Binks… most annoying movie character EVER!!

Look this up:William Shakespeare’s Star Wars: Verily, A New HopeWilliam Shakespeare’s The Empire Striketh Back: Star Wars Part the Fifthby Ian Doescher

Even better than Pride & Prejudice & Zombies!

And while we are at it, no one did The Sound of Music on television back in December.…We are in denial (which is in Egypt, after all)…

One “Jaws” yes, he was a nemesis and eventual ally with James Bond.

Why was it ruined? Were aliens and surviving a nuclear attack any less realistic than Ark Spirits that melt Nazis and mine cars that can jump tracks? The movie was a hit – the internet and most of its netizens just like to be snarky hateful types. It’s as if there is no other opinion than the one that slams everything.

And Disney never, ever did two sequels to and a remake of “The Parent Trap” (the latter of which did NOT inflict Lindsay Lohan on an innocent, unsuspecting world!).

And George Lucas stole the Star Wars story from “The Hidden Fortress” from Akiro Kurwasaki.

I suppose there were only three Indiana Jones movies as well?

The original(s) is/are always the best.

The Star Wars Trilogy is No. 1 with me too. But the prequels – 3 whole movies just to explain why Darth Vader became a bad guy??

And there was only one Planet of the Apes.

And more importantly, the only STAR TREK that exists are the three years of the series!

Actually there was already a seventh Star Wars Movie. Star Wars: The Clone Wars started with a feature length movie that did play in theaters.

I agree with Stephan. Seriously, what fool thinks a perfectly healthy woman dies of a broken heart when she has children? Lucas really does NOT know anything about women.

And I’m pretty sure there are only two “Kid Icarus” games.

Did you know Disney never made straight to disc sequels?

Disney never bought Star Wars, there were the original trilogy, the clone wars series and the del rey EU. Nothing else.

Now there’s nine, but I personally think the last three stank. And it was better back in the day, when the Sith empire ruled.

There are 6 Star wars movies

Actually, there are nine.

I only wish I could unsee them! Jarjar Binks still haunts my dreams.