Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 23, 2018

Eavesdropping is very rude and offensive.

I find the fact that you have no mouth offensive.

My favorite incident of that type was when I was telling some friends about the evil Navajo spirit named “He-who-kicks-people-off-cliffs”, or Tse’tahotsilta’li. Someone else overheard and gave me an earful, assuming I’d made the name up. I hadn’t…

Shades of You Bet Your Life with Groucho Marx : Say the “Secret Word”.

If he’s related to Li’l Guard Duck, I’d advise against troubling him too much.

Is that Guard Duck? No it can’t be, because Guard Duck has never learned to fly.

“Don’t stand underneath when they fly by” – Tom Lehrer, in a different context.

Pig knows enough to turn around and check after the second “that’s offensive.” Then he’s thoughtful enough to warn the others before he hits the deck. You couldn’t ask for a better roomie.

I’m still trying to figure out what’s offensive about the No One Cares Duck.

You’re going to need a lot more than just one duck.

Where can I buy me one of those?

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: ONE!! And it’s NOT FUNNY!!!

Finally! We have a useful application for drones!

I really want one of those.

The duck would be more effective if it did give a poop-right on her head. Although I understand the sensitivities of some people and do avoid some inflammatory language I also recommend the “In one ear and out the other” philosophy.

Maura? She came back???

Oh for cryin’….

Where the heck is panel 4??

I’m an amputee and had a teacher in seventh grade who, on April Fools Day, was sanctimoniously offended on my behalf by comments about me wearing my leg backward. And then I came in wearing my leg backward, and he got even more sanctimoniously offended and told me to fix it. He actually called home to talk to my mother about it. My mother … once she was done laughing … told him to lighten up.

If I say something that offends you and not another, that proves that “offense” is subjective, and therefore a personal choice. Frankly, it’s not my business who is offended, and I have made the personal choice not to care. It’s not my responsibility to manage anyone’s emotions other than my own.

No one gives a duck.

This past week, an Astros commentator, during a game, talked about the slider. He had been a ball player himself, and talked about how horrible the slider had been to him. “If I could go back in history and change one think, I would skip right past slavery, and get rid of the slider.”

He is an African-American, who has making a joke, that’s all, using a form of ironic hyperbole to explain his hatred for the slider. Did anyone take him seriously?

The woman in the panel above. White liberals, most of whom, I am sure, have never watched or listened to a baseball game, picked up on this, and demanded an apology for this “horribly racist” comment.

The announcer obliged. An African-American submitted to white people and apologized for a joke.

Somewhere, Jackie Robinson is shaking his head and laughing.

Sorry for the spelling errors: * “thing,” not “think,” and *"was," not “has.”

I have learned that we would care less what people think about us if we really knew how little they do…

Oh, the next fly-by should be primed with duxatives.

As I said before, when someone says to me that they are offended, I reply, “That’s your problem.”

When I was working in IT at a certain university, a secretary needed to connect a peripheral to her computer but the interfaces did not match. I told her we needed a “gender changer” and went off to collect the part. After placing the package that was plainly labelled “Gender Changer” on her desk I found out that in the meantime she had lodged a complaint against me with the university authorities.

Anybody or any group that does not have a sense of humour is dangerous.

More sad than funny. Happens all to often today.

So, if I eat that duck, no one cares, right?

What we need is the Shut Up and Get Lost Duck.

My favorite comeback is “I didn’t mean to offend you. That was just a bonus.” Said with sincerity and a broad smile, it totally confuses the offendee. I didn’t make it up. It was on a tee-shirt a good friend gave me.

We’re gonna need a LOT more ducks!!!!!!!!!

The duck has a trigger trigger.

Finally a good use for the AFLAC duck!!

Being offended seems to be the thing today! I hope it’s just a fad!

Somebody needs to come up with a cure for Offense Kleptomania.

The “incoming” is guard duck with a rocket launcher, firing missioes labeled “Nobody cares”

Who cares? Enter “BBQ Becky” and her supercharged phone.

Coming up next, the “Mind Your Own Business” duck.

I miss Guard Duck!

Dang Pastis. Why you so easily offended by people who are offended? I guess nobody cares.

16 years and he STILL cant draw- Rat

“…and a large number of ducks were not given that day…”

This is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

A whole flock of them! Please! More! We need those ducks so much!

You’re offended? I’m offended that you’re offended.

Anyone notice the Bob Dylan reference?

“You offended me.” My response: “Tell your therapist.”

Is Freddie Mercury involved?

I usually try to avoid offending people. If being considerate of other people’s ,feelings is wrong, I sure as heck don’t want to be right!

I’m not offended. I’m on-ended.

If someone were to post this comic on a wall at a college campus, there would no doubt be all sorts of demonstrations, sit-ins, and an investigation into who could disseminate such a terrible, insensitive comic strip. The college President would be asked (no, ordered) to resign, and there would be much caterwauling and calls for play-doh. It would be great.

don’t be offended by something that is not related to or directed at you

https://www.gocomics.com/bloomcounty/1982/11/14