Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 23, 2020

Pig should be ok since he eats so much cheese.

It’s amazing how few doomsday preppers thought about putting toilet paper in their nuclear bunker

There are two of us. We get the regular size rolls. Three rolls per month. (Yep: month). That’s ¼ roll for one of us and 2¾ for the other of us.

Now, let’s play some poker. Anyone seen my deck of cards?

What did people do before toilet paper was invented?

Will someone PLEASE figure out how the three seashells work? Humanity needs you!!

somehow reminds me of a factoid that British soldiers during WWI were rationed one square of TP per day

I scored a costco bundle today.I’m set until late fall. Not the temporary skinny lame ones from big lots. Lucky to get two turds per roll with them .

Don’t Sneeze!

My store is starting to actually have a decent supply again, with multiple brands even.

“And me, boss?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYQvZk9CgL0

Dude, everybody’s garages and closets are packed now. The TP was back in every store I went today. Grow a pair and go shopping.

Since when did Paris start living with Pig and Rat?

We wash!

Doesn’t it go: One for you, one for you, one for me. Two for you, two for you, one two for me…

If I got a roll, I got a clean hole.

Pig be like a bear and go in the woods ! … Croc Power !

So, a bear encounters a rabbit in the woods, and asks……

Giving everybody the same number of rolls may not work, what if you had diarrhea. If you were constipated you would not need as much

Ooooh $h¡t!

In biblical times, clay pots in the commode held the stuff and your left hand was “unclean”, so …

We didn’t have the toilet paper problem here. The store shelves weren’t full, like usual, but they weren’t completely empty either. Not sure why. If you wanted alcohol or hand sanitizer, forget it. But the hand sanitizer is back, and yesterday I scored two N45 masks.

The answer to the question everyone is asking: https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/48950/what-did-people-use-toilet-paper

As in one episode of Seinfeld (with Elaine trapped with an empty dispenser in a bathroom stall, asking the woman in the next stall for TP – who then answers), “I don’t have a square to spare!”

can you spare a square?

Rat has the smallest butt so he should get less

Speaking of TP, people should look at today’s (04/23) “Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” kartune!

They don’t know how to use the three seashells

Use both sides.

Going on deployment when I was a young Signalman, the quartermaster would declare that the ration of toilet paper was “three sheets per man, per day…per haps”

Thank God for toilet paper. Otherwise, we’d still be wiping with leaves.

I was just at the supermarket yesterday to stock up for the coming month. I noticed that, here in Ecuador, paper towels are more expensive than toilet paper. A 12 pack of Elite® Ultra-soft Mega rolls of toilet paper cost me $8.45 while a single large roll of Scott® Duramax paper towels was $5.28!

We miss the crocs.

Scoot on grass-leaves-take a swim-3 corncobs( red,white and red colored) 1. Use red 2. Use white to see if you need to use other red! ………THEN really modern: 1000 page SEARS CATALOG!

Didn’t shake hands!

InGermany in 1960, we g.i.’s joked that the German t/p gave us splinters. Felt sorry for the ladies.

At Costco yesterday, there were LOTS and LOTS of TP. With mine own eyes I saw it.

They didn’t use anything. Hence the word STINKY!

You know that while some idiot hoarders have scoops up various items, stores are working very hard to keep their shelves stocked.

♪♫ “Pack up all my cares and woes”

“Feeling low, here I go”

“Bye, bye T. P.” ♪♫

Wipe that crappy grin off your face,Pig ;)

Hello my besties, can you spare a square?

Rat might as well be talking about a game of chess. :D

Looks like someone forgot to order some needed things in bulk when this pandemic was just starting.

We had that in our library. Nearby was an abstract piece of artwork, called “Spots on the Wall,” by a Jackson Pollack protege named Hu Flung Pu.

Go live in the middle east for a while and find out.

THEY DID WHAT………………………A BEAR DOES!

My elderly parents got an ‘Easter Basket’ from their ultra-cool neighbors with TP, facial tissue and sanitizing wipes. I love bragging about this.

When I was homeless (typical when you become disabled before the feds declare you so), people would perpetually ask me for “squares”. It was a long time before I understood that to mean they wanted a cigarette. So I would collect square objects and hand them out to very confused individuals, everything from napkins to TP to condoms. I continued to do so long after I understood what was wanted since it seemed like such a rude request.

Wow, Rat actually being fair. Real shocker. I really expected Rat to do the old dole joke, “One for you, two for me. One for you, three for me. One for you, four for me. Etc. Etc. Etc.”

The Costco in Lancaster, CA, has pallets of TP and paper towels in the store. Huge amounts. You’re welcome.

Pig’s motto should be posted in all bathrooms!

goat lives with rat and pig????