The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for August 30, 2020

Groan.

Well that’s the end of the gnus, but have you seen the head lions?

The bad gnus are the ones in the back with their tails ready to give your windshield wipers a workout they’ll never recover from.

Let’s hope none of them are fake gnus…

They should make it easier to identify the animals if they escape, maybe like “finger” prints. But only for those that deserve it. You know, “All the gnus that’s fit to print”.

it’s funny the zoo’d want them back ’cause, as they say, no gnus is good gnus…

So guys, What’s gnu with you!

Which would you like first?

The good gnus gave us things like the CCC and Social Security – you know, the Gnu Deal.

i wonder what will ‘d’ beast’s punishment be ?

Darn! All the best puns are already taken. “You’re gonna put me out of a job.” (My favorite Tom Petty concert comment after the audience sang all the words to “Breakdown”.)

What about the dik dik? Are they safe?

The bad ones formed a Little League Team—The Bad Gnus Bears.

Wildebeests please get back into the cage?

I went on a safari many years back and our guide called wildebeests the dumbest animal on the planet.

Who gnu?

It happened again. I gnu they would come up with a gnu escape plan.

no gnus like old gnus

The good news, no one resisted arrest! And see then there is no bad news.

Actually, they’re all pretty rowdy. After all, no gnus is good gnus.

I can’t believe any could be rowdy. According to Flanders and Swann, “I’m a gnu, The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo”.

Les Barker wrote a poem about a clever wildebeest who, when the herd migrates, saves himself all the walking by sticking stamps on his body and having the Post Office deliver him to their new destination. He’s a “Stamped, Addressed Antelope”—the mail of the species.

oh puhleeze

They should get Oscar from Sesame Street to help them, since gnus are Wilde beasts.

I remember this one from a joke book for kids (long ago, when I was a kid).

One day I went to the zoo,

For I wanted to see the old gnu.

But the old gnu was dead,

And the new gnu, they said,

Was too new a new gnu to view.

Straight to FaceBook!!!!

They broke out to go see Huey Lewis and the Gnus. They want a gnu drug.

There are no harmless gnus. They are animals to be respected.

Are they all re-captured because if not, no gnu is not good news.

I was going to just say, “what a load of bull,” but, I figured, everyone gnu a male wildebeest is still just a wildebeest.

Why is he saying all this to the guy who already caught them all?

Colonel Bruce Hampton and the Aquarium Rescue Unit?