Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for December 11, 2020

Somebody’s got to protect him against all those lawsuits for defective toys.

What’s worse than a big legal department?

TWO big legal departments.

I can’t find who said it…

“Come the revolution, the lawyers were the first with their backs against the wall.”

Well, Giuliani has to have something to do with his new free time.

I’m doing Santa via zoom for the grandkids

How would he make a billion toys in a workshop that small?

The legal department is to protect him from other corporations.

Some years ago I was in USA with work and the the motel which we stayed in you knew was in USA as it was next to a hospital and a largish office block which was a law firms office and nothing else on road.

The graver reason for losing his ho-ho-ho mojo is in having to receive the elves’ new union chief.

This works out- he can live a lawyer under the tree for every naughty boy & girl and two for each of the members of the trump family.

I guess Santa has seen today’s Calvin and Hobbes?

If things don’t go your way, and crying and lying doesn’t work… Litigate! (And when that doesn’t work, try lying again.)

D’you think it’s going to rain, dear?

That sleigh isn’t large enough to hold all the corporations trying to ride it to the bank. Their lawyers would need a fleet.

Sorry, Santa. You’ve been declared “non-essential”.

Santa Klaus L.L.C. ?? Just doesn’t sound right. [:-}

Don’t forget the investment bankers who convinced him going public was a good thing.

I suppose it is the burden of the toy maker, that everything in the hands of children and fools can be deadly. (Hence warning labels on soap.)

Then there’s the Advertising, Market Research, Risk Management Depts.; The 10-K reports, OSHA, EIR, IRS etc. Let’s not forget the Union, too.

Incorporation is a bad idea. It shifts focus away from employees and customers and to shareholders who are only concerned with making money in the short term.

Dear Santa,

I’m filing legal suits against you and your fake-news naughty and nice list. I was too a good boy, bigly. I am the goodest boy on your list. In fact, I am the goodest boy you’ve ever had on your list by a landslide.

All I want for Christmas in the Presidency. A kingship would be better, but being the nice guy I am, I will settle for the Chief Executive spot. I deserve it. God wants me to have it.

The report you are reading is rigged. Testimony was given by dead people, mostly those who died of the hoax Covid-19 virus. People tell me they saw Rudolf stuffing the ballot box. I’ve heard of a bunch of renegade elves dumping a sleighload of ballots into some volcano in Iceland. I have proof. My lawyers have proof.

You can’t trust those elves; they are all radical liberals who are out to get me personally. I don’t know why. I’ve done more for elves than any other president in history. They are a bunch of haters and Non-Trumpers. You can’t trust them. They ask stupid questions.

Bad people are out to get me. I’m not responsible and I don’t own the disgusting things they accuse me of. I’ve been exonerated; there’s no collusion. It’s an incredibly fake witch hunt. Trust me.

The machines used to record and tabulate the results were made in China. That means that they changed millions of my beautiful goods into naughties. I demand a re-re-recount but only in areas where it turns out I was wrongfully accused of being naughty.

I have friends, tremendous friends, very important friends in big places. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll overturn my naughty into nice.

Humbly yours, the best president the United States ever had or ever will have, America’s favorite president loved by all, Donald J. Trump

Oh, come on. How many elves have law degrees?

We should follow the advice of Dick The Butcher.

Friggin’ lawyers.

Legal Department need a secondary label – Naughty List Annex.

Kinda looks like the path to the legal department still has snow on it. Maybe the lawyers are plotting to sue Santa for personal injury.

Little Lawyer Mini-Suit Kits will be all the rage this year. Lawsuits for closing businesses, lawsuits for superspreading events, frivolous lawsuits to overturn inconvenient elections….

Does a letter to Santa constitute a legal contract?

Once his secret location was leaked, it was the safe thing to do.

William Shakespeare’s Henry VI, Part 2, Act IV, Scene 2. (Dick) The full quote is “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

חַג חֲנוּכָּה שַׂמֵחַ

Chag hanukkah sameach!

It’s the Reason for the Season!

It’s as bad as religion, really.

Such fiction, Santa Clause doesn’t have a passport except to Christmas Town in Antarctica somewhere. He goes either incognito or too fast to be seen. Molecular construction and beaming makes it happen very fast. Very few get visits now and it depends on the place as to who it is.

And, you should see the size of the Storage Unit the Lawyers need to store all the Paperwork they generate.

It Grows by about a Truckload of “Legal Briefs” per week.

IPO’s aren’t what used to be.