In other words, find a loophole to justify your client’s crimes or at least make sure it does not hurt him/her in the wallet except when you present them your bill.
Just wait ’til they get past the differentiation part and move on to integration of client exigencies versus legal obstructionism.Fees will escalate at a hyperbolic rate!
I have always assiduously avoided lawyers for this very reason. Now, as an estate administrator for a deceased relative, I find I have no choice but to retain one; certain things are outside of my experience, including the Byzantine labyrinth of filings in Surrogate Court and the establishment of an estate. But seeing my law firm’s rate schedule sends Lovecraftian chills down my spine, and I can only hope that when we are done there is more than tree-fiddy left to distribute to potential beneficiaries.
I used a lawyer once for a minor conflict. Told him my budget constraints. He said it would not be more than $X.
The bill was 2.5 x X.
He forgot the biz adage about a dissatisfied customer. A happy one might tell 1 or 2 people. An unhappy one will tell 10. I exceeded the average by far.
As a former math major who has done jury duty, I can assure you that lawyers’ grasp of mathematics is on the level of those third-world tribes whose only number words are “one”, “two” and “many”.
“Let’s kill all the lawyers” is a line from William Shakespeare’s Henry VI, Part 2, Act IV, Scene 2. The full quote is “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”
It resembles the subject matter in many educational institutions, i.e., visions built on ideas that originated in dreams. Interesting course work maybe, but only applicable in life after some experiential testing.
Oh yes. I remember this class in sales school(Recruiter Training). It was call ethics or some such nonsense. Class Motto – “Admit nothing. Deny everything. Demand Proof.”
1) Is the client suing for damages? Does the likely award exceed the likely fees? If yes, take the case. If no decline the case
2) Is the client being sued for damages? What’s the clients net worth? If the likely fees exceed the net worth take the case. If the likely fees exceed the net worth decline the case
My son said he was considering becoming a lawyer. I suggested he become a pimp instead because his peers would have higher ethical standards and he’d be of greater value to society.
I remember being told in law school how to bill your time and avoid an ethics violation. Someone asked, Why would we worry about ethics violations if we just bill for the time we work? She got such a look from the professor.
I remember being asked by a prospective client a few years ago if I would bill him for an hour’s work after a 5 minute phone conversation. I laughed, and told him I might not bill him at all. He told me that there were a number of law firms in town who charged a minimum of 1 hour each time they spoke to a client, which was one of the reasons why he was looking for a new lawyer.
I briefly took a job selling fitness club memberships, for a facility that wasn’t yet open, and quickly learned a valuable lesson about ethics and being a gullible customer on the first day. That was my one and only day at that ”job”.
oldpine52 over 3 years ago
They also teach a formula that proves that there are fifty billing hours a day.
cdcoventry over 3 years ago
and then people are surprised when these people are put into politics..only to see them act the same way.
in.amongst over 3 years ago
Any chance of triggernometry included in the course somewhere?
Imagine over 3 years ago
I prefer exponential billing when I right my invoices.
strictures over 3 years ago
Notice the skull bookends on the desk. Probably ex-clients, that didn’t like his fee structure!
hariseldon59 over 3 years ago
Looks more like algebra than calculus. No derivatives or integrals.
TampaFanatic1 over 3 years ago
In other words, find a loophole to justify your client’s crimes or at least make sure it does not hurt him/her in the wallet except when you present them your bill.
Walter Kocker Premium Member over 3 years ago
The U.S. has 70% of the world’s lawyers.
No wonder . . .
Sanspareil over 3 years ago
Just wait ’til they get past the differentiation part and move on to integration of client exigencies versus legal obstructionism.Fees will escalate at a hyperbolic rate!
The Old Wolf over 3 years ago
I have always assiduously avoided lawyers for this very reason. Now, as an estate administrator for a deceased relative, I find I have no choice but to retain one; certain things are outside of my experience, including the Byzantine labyrinth of filings in Surrogate Court and the establishment of an estate. But seeing my law firm’s rate schedule sends Lovecraftian chills down my spine, and I can only hope that when we are done there is more than tree-fiddy left to distribute to potential beneficiaries.
keenanthelibrarian over 3 years ago
How cynical; cruel, but fair.
admiree2 over 3 years ago
I used a lawyer once for a minor conflict. Told him my budget constraints. He said it would not be more than $X.
The bill was 2.5 x X.
He forgot the biz adage about a dissatisfied customer. A happy one might tell 1 or 2 people. An unhappy one will tell 10. I exceeded the average by far.
dadoctah over 3 years ago
As a former math major who has done jury duty, I can assure you that lawyers’ grasp of mathematics is on the level of those third-world tribes whose only number words are “one”, “two” and “many”.
Kind&Kinder over 3 years ago
Any lawyer will holler for a dollar!
mikeyman over 3 years ago
Justice is not won, it’s rented.
gokar 4,la over 3 years ago
Can you find the hidden message in the bookcase? It explains all.
NeedaChuckle Premium Member over 3 years ago
We got John a big award and we even let him keep some of it!
Mugens Premium Member over 3 years ago
$200 PH is getting off cheap from what I know of some lawyers.
Lenavid over 3 years ago
Moral Relativism
Masterskrain over 3 years ago
Shakespeare was right…
“Let’s kill all the lawyers” is a line from William Shakespeare’s Henry VI, Part 2, Act IV, Scene 2. The full quote is “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”
dflak over 3 years ago
Yup, that about sums it up.
There is one more equation: The amount of justice you receive is directly proportional to the legal fees you can pay.
WGillete over 3 years ago
Did Rudy ever get the $20K a day out of Trump? LOL – Trump never pays anyone!
sandpiper over 3 years ago
It resembles the subject matter in many educational institutions, i.e., visions built on ideas that originated in dreams. Interesting course work maybe, but only applicable in life after some experiential testing.
vaughnrl2003 Premium Member over 3 years ago
Oh yes. I remember this class in sales school(Recruiter Training). It was call ethics or some such nonsense. Class Motto – “Admit nothing. Deny everything. Demand Proof.”
mottyg over 3 years ago
And they learn modesty and self-effacement. Observe the abbreviated school name: >U
rhpii over 3 years ago
$200/hr. Must be paralegal school.
Linguist over 3 years ago
I guess that adds up to lots of billable hours?
JudyAz over 3 years ago
Wonder why the second row isn’t socially-distanced?
bobbyferrel over 3 years ago
New math. Billable hours integrated over the sum of the clients equals more than 24 per day.
eastern.woods.metal over 3 years ago
Actually there are tow equations
1) Is the client suing for damages? Does the likely award exceed the likely fees? If yes, take the case. If no decline the case
2) Is the client being sued for damages? What’s the clients net worth? If the likely fees exceed the net worth take the case. If the likely fees exceed the net worth decline the case
thelordthygod666 over 3 years ago
My son said he was considering becoming a lawyer. I suggested he become a pimp instead because his peers would have higher ethical standards and he’d be of greater value to society.
StackableContainers over 3 years ago
I remember being told in law school how to bill your time and avoid an ethics violation. Someone asked, Why would we worry about ethics violations if we just bill for the time we work? She got such a look from the professor.
skyriderwest over 3 years ago
I remember being asked by a prospective client a few years ago if I would bill him for an hour’s work after a 5 minute phone conversation. I laughed, and told him I might not bill him at all. He told me that there were a number of law firms in town who charged a minimum of 1 hour each time they spoke to a client, which was one of the reasons why he was looking for a new lawyer.
VICTOR PROULX over 3 years ago
In the United States the dollar is 9/10 of the law
mistercatworks over 3 years ago
Somebody should sue that guy.
Richard S Russell Premium Member over 3 years ago
The best way to make sure that you always, always, always engage in legal conduct? Buy the legislators who make the laws!
Enter.Name.Here over 3 years ago
Proving yourself innocent, even when you are, can be very expensive. That’s the sad reality.
So the question is, how much justice can YOU afford?
marilynnbyerly over 3 years ago
Lawyers don’t take that class. Their staff does.
paranormal over 3 years ago
That went right over my head!
Stargazer1950 over 3 years ago
I like the school sweatshirt: “Greater Than U”
GiantShetlandPony over 3 years ago
Is there a Trump nonpayment clause?
Padraigin Premium Member over 3 years ago
Right over Wrong! He’s working with the basic ‘right idea’.
[Unnamed Reader - bf182b] over 3 years ago
Did anyone notice the sweater on the guy in the doorway – “Greater Than You!”
MT Wallet over 3 years ago
https://www.facebook.com/TwistedTailsPugs/photos/a.376641535837283/1773073339527422/?cft0=AZUU9UZfLe5zJ4a1n7XDobO4Zu4lqAMXfp9vJ1_SoGXBB5DLCSxU42HWXdDR0ZSJYiutJ9JRf6_wLYH0se7XAqvmI1Ormaws8_tOiMW0dCjWtxKV4BuQAb9b1p67XDSIAAKYU5nmYD_6exV_pnR2nP-CfZHYLmY3SnBvzqlksJBcRQ&tn=EH-y-R
MFRXIM Premium Member over 3 years ago
I briefly took a job selling fitness club memberships, for a facility that wasn’t yet open, and quickly learned a valuable lesson about ethics and being a gullible customer on the first day. That was my one and only day at that ”job”.
LeslieAnn Premium Member over 3 years ago
Good to have you back, Mr. Miller.
gcarlson over 3 years ago
“I am sure you are all interested in justice, and not in poor relation of same, legal procedure.” – Charlie Chan
bakana over 3 years ago
Then in Litigious Calculus 201, they learn that 15 Minutes == 1 Billable Hour.
And, that there is no such thing as Less Than 15 Minutes.
nerdhoof over 3 years ago
“In Jersey everything’s legal, long as you don’t get caught”
oded.haber over 3 years ago
$200/hr seems pretty cheep