Kliban by B. Kliban for February 23, 2022

And God’s all smitey today.

Good grief! He’s so boring with all his small talk.

“And boy, does he look pissed!”

Needs his morning coffee….

Now I’m gonna have nightmares. And I just got up!

See, that’s all I’d need to believe. How hard would it be to show up in person for me just one time? Maybe leave the sword at home though.

The drawing is so beautiful.

Bring me my bow of burning gold

Bring me my arrows of desire

Bring me my spear: o clouds unfold!

Bring me my chariot of fire.

I will not cease from mental fight

Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand

Till we have built jerusalem

In england’s green and pleasant land.

Two things I believe about the god of the Old Testament:

1. He’s fictional.

2. He’s the most evil character in the history of fiction.

" Just keep walking, dear, and maybe he won’t notice us…"

Father forgive us for what we must do/You forgive us and we’ll forgive you/We’ll forgive each other ‘til we both turn blue/Then we’ll whistle and go fishin’ in Heaven

John Prine

….and he doesn’t look happy….

“I said, ‘Hey, God! How’s it hangin’, Tough Guy?’”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5bNgiFWkdk

No, no. The woman always says, “I told you that you shouldn’t have done that.”

He has an unrelenting appetite for foreskins, for some inexplicable reason.

“And he’s still looking for the itinerant knife grinder.”

Don’t look dear, you don’t want to be asalted.

Are we behind on the tithing again, Morris?

Oy vay! I swear, I thought they were beef ribs—who knew they were pork!

Seems about right, since my wife died last year.

Looks like someone got into the ergot again.

Vengeful God.

Did he just leave Stonehenge?

Borrowed Michael’s sword?