Pickles by Brian Crane for September 17, 2022

I already can see the Fred Sanford “heart attacks” on Sanford and Son. “Elizabeth, I’m coming to join you honey”.

I don’t actually have THIS problem. Spouse used to do this to me at the “make your decorations” store, but has fallen out of the habit (thank goodness). The solution is easy (for me): I go sit in the car. With my book.

Sometimes 20 minutes seems like 3 hours, but sometimes it really is 3 hours.

how is being at the hardware store or some other male retail store with Earl any different than Earl with you at your fabric store or some other female retail store, Opal?

I always say to the wife that she owes me equal time at Harbor Freight.

That never works…..

Couples need to stop doing this to each other. Don’t drag him to the fabric store Opal. And don’t drag her to the hardware store Earl. Go by yourself or with a friend.

It didn’t work for Jimmy Kimmel when he tried this at the Golden Globes during Quinta Brunson’s acceptance speech. Get up, Earl. Nobody is falling for your act, least of all Opal.

Earl is dead tired…

I know the feeling. My ex LOVED the fabric and crafts stores. She liked to look and buy them, but not actually do anything with them. I learned to deal with it by trying to entertain myself while I was there. I would play with the stuff and ask questions about some of it. So it seemed like I cared and was interested, lol.

When we decide we need new cushions or to change other home decorations, we usually shop together and chat about the choices. One has a talent for choosing designs and fabrics, while the other seems to be able to match colors and designs. Made for interesting trips over the decades.

You go to the mall and the old guys are out on the benches while their wives are shopping !

How time doesn’t fly when …

Should have brought a magazine and a chair to sit in, Earl!

Earl is the boy who cried “wool!”.

Hmm, another half hour in the fabric store vs. the rest of the day and overnight in a hospital…yeah, Earl’s got it about right

Some day you might really be having ‘the big one’ and she’ll ignore you. It’s never good to cry wolf.

Reminds me of an excruciating “musical” performance I once endured. When it ended, I guesstimated it ran for 40 minutes, but the clock confirmed it was only 20. I later searched online for anybody else who witnessed the same performance and discovered a review which also said the guy performed for 40 minutes, so I was not the only one who experienced time distortion.

One of these days it’s going to be a real heart attack. What will you do then, Opal? Casually step over him? Drape some fabric over him? Make a smart remark?

I’m with Earl! I do not like to shop.

I hate shopping with someone who has to touch everything and take 5 minutes to decide buying it or not….plus, the smell of dyes would kill me….Ew

Putting on the border is my least favorite part of quilting.

Priceless!

Time flies when you are having fun… and, it works the other way as well.

I’m a guy who hav voluntarily spent time in fabric store – recently, buying stuff to sew costumes for my grandkids. Earl is missing his best bet to escape. He needs to feign allergy to the odor of fabric dye. It doesn’t bother me, but is a very pronounced ‘chemical’ smell.

I hope he’s faking it and not the real thing!

Frankly, I’m with Earl.

Earl, go sit outside with the paper or a book and ignore her.

""Earl, we ‘ll be done in 5 … and then we can go by the wallpaper store.’’

Earl fakes his own death by assuming the Dead Roach position.

Try some drama classes, Earl.

I prefer to shop alone. I am done quicker and don’t have to cater to anyone. My one exception is to shop with my daughter. I never get anything for me, but I like to spend time with her.

Why can’t he just stay HOME..????

Poor Earl…she knows all his tricks!

Tantrums thrown by seniors. LOL

My wife goes by herself.

Fool me once, yada yada.

This time I feel bad for Earl, as there be no place to stand.I remember another example, my kids was much younger and civic center had electronic sale, so hubby wanted to go with the kids, $5 each to get in, I almost wished I stayed home, I got like Earl too bored, only difference I always keep a book in my bag, last time I forgot to bring one and I got totally bored was at a Best Buy and I checked no books, not this time, so I leaned against a wall and started to read, this caught a vendor’s eye who came by asked about the book, I showed him. There was no chair to sit on. I think we was there for an hour, kids could not find what they wanted.

So did you hear about how Red Foxx died?

Going shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden

During a live performance, actor / comedian Dick Shawn had a severe heart attack on stage. The audience thought it was part of the act, so no one responded for several minutes.

My late father loved to go shopping, my mother, not so much. When I would visit my parents after having been on my own for some years, my father would take me shopping and often helped me pick out the perfect piece of clothing!

I tried a new quilt shop last week and they had some nice, comfy chairs in the back area. I presumed they were for friends or spouses.Went to my regular shop today and my husband was picking out backing for a Halloween quilt I just finished.

Redd Foxx (John Elroy Sanford) comes to mind. Faked heart attacks until he had one. I wondered if the time determining he wsn’t faking could have made the difference.

I liked him.