The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for September 10, 2023

You should have bought a bite bit

He wanted to record his exercise hissstory!

Don’t use it as a collar.

Do they make slither counters?

It should be possible to convert the device; two feet of slithering = one footstep.

Bet they wiggle out of the warranty.

And it probably slid off a lot, too!

She could let him exchange it for an old-fashioned watch without a battery, otherwise known as a sidewinder.

Obviously he didn’t take the stairs or it Would have recorded the steps.

But it’s got a genuine slither strap.

Well, you got the wrong model, silly….you should have had the Slither and Sway one.

You have to enter the length of your stride… oh, wait.

And he’s a drunk. He’ll never get through those 12 steps.

If you’re a Burmese python just wait here. We have people looking for you.

Should have a slither setting.

Needs “Slitherbit”…

Mine had the exact same defect.

Snake didn’t read the disclaimer: no workee with snakes.

Will the serpent be unbroken?

When it comes to exercise, he has high "asp"irations.

Maybe he had it set to the wrong scale.

Not sensitive enough to count the movement of scales for locomotion. Besides, aren’t those things nunchucks?

Realistically, a slither to the left and right should register the same as footstep.

More like a Bit Fit. There might be a market for that device.

Maybe not, be he has certainly slimmed down.

“You didn’t take a single step.”

I think the funniest thing about this is that it reflects the level of sense in all too many real returns and customer complaints.