That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for September 15, 2023

When you’re rich, you don’t go to the concert; the concert comes to you.

Ronald’s new invention: the world’s first lung powered cooling machine

/// While the Countess, a beautiful heiress,

lounges languidly out on a terrace.

The Concert her consort

plays ain’t the “Salon sort.”

She’s aware that himself he’d embarrass.

/// Though he’s practiced the French Horn for years,

he performs where nobody else hears.

When he blows, a vein bulges,

yet the Countess indulges

her beloved. (And plugs up her ears.)

now that is an ear trumpet!

Her ladyship wakes with a shriek/

To discover she’s sprung a slight leak/

As Milord greets the morn/

With a blast from his horn:/

“Eine Kleine Morgenmuzik“!///

It’s a an opus of grandeur and sweep/

A musical quantum leap:/

His depiction of dawn/

Rivals Strauss’s “Don Juan”-/

But her ladyship needs her sleep…///

This magnificent composition/

Was completed without a commission/

And hisLordship was found/

With his instrument wound/

Round his neck. In the fetal position.

To be or tuba, that is a question.

When serenading under your swethearts window. be sure you have the right adress.

Times when pocket-sized communicating devices with a built-in alarm-clock were still a rarity.

Be careful with that ear trumpet Cedrick. Your you’re getting close to my settee’ . I’ll never be able to explain my loss of virginity.

Richard gave a quite unsubtle hint

By dint of what instrument

He chose to woo his paramour.

A violin to express his sweet amour?

A flute to waft melodious sounds?

A drum to show how his heart pounds?

No such message did he now send —

The horn was sign he did intend!

His lady knew the insinuation,

And softened in anticipation.

Wake up calls were house calls back in the day.

“I’m sorry my dear,” said a narcissistic Gerald, “but there’s no one good enough to do it for me. When you’re a big deal like me, you must toot your own horn.”

Well, it’s close, but I think the horn is a little louder than your fart

“If only he didn’t fart so much when he played that thing.”

“If this doesn’t trip your trigger, I’ll come back with my bagpipes.”

Love the vuvuzela during an evening date on the balcony.

It’s not a Sousaphone, it’s an English horn.

It’s amazing how your rancid breath is magnified by the coils and bell of this instrument.

The way he plays that thing, it’s no wonder the lady fainted.

With a mighty “HUFF”, Reggie cleared the obstruction and Margret regretted tossing her used Depends into the bell the night before!

Sorry Albert, that does nothing for me………

30-40 years ago when Detroit had classical radio station WQRS-105.1FM, they would play a different John Philip Sousa march every morning at 7:15 a.m. They called it the “Sousalarm.” I always had it on my car radio during my morning commute and it would be coming on just a few minutes before I pulled into the parking lot at work. It got my workday off to a rousing energizing start!

The lady was somewhat eccentric in her chamber pot choices…

His plot to make her jump off the balcony, so he can inherit her fortune.

I am not so sure that is true…

“Play it again, Sam.”

“The breeze is delightful. Is that garlic I smell?”

“Play it, don’t spray it.”

TOO much sp*t

“Darling, thank you for warming up your lips for me, now come back here and resume what you were doing.”

I’ll go with french horn…Sousaphone is the field version of the tuba

The concert: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:1853 oil on canvas paintings" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found and once there find the text string concert, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3187 (September 15, 2023) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger, if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. So far, 4 works by him have been used here, the October 14, 2019, strip being the prior.

When your shoes haven’t been shined enough to look up a skirt, it is best to bring something shiny as a backup.

If she is sitting, then you might as well put it back.

Although she agreed to a dinner and a show; she now wishes the dinner had taken longer.

“Yes, thank you, now I can hear it. Alas, too much heavy metal in my youth…”

When the impromptu concert began/

The Count was a happy man/

But while he was playing/

His last meal was decaying:/

The Countess is gonna need a bigger fan.

(Sometimes you just gotta take liberties with the meter !)

For Monday:

His Papa was a frise Bichon

Who never much cared where he’d “bury his bone..”/

Momma was the kitchen maid/

Who one evening shockingly strayed/

But nevertheless/

their child’s a success !/

(Though he never learned either one’s trade.)