Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for June 09, 2024

You’ve been waiting for this all your life, Jff? That would explain why, when you were born, the obstetrician said “It’s a nerd!”

So long, Matty, we hardly knew ye. Today we’re back to precious, precious COMIC BOOKS, the pinnacle of literary endeavor and the ONLY thing strong enough to awaken Jfff’s creepy-as-heck inner child. Having already bought every Marvel and DC omnibus—plus all the Archie, Charlton, Dell, Gold Key, Harvey, Tower, and Classics Illustrated collections—he’s scraping the bottom of the Silver Age barrel with “Starsux Jones.” Does this portend a return to Masonne Jarre, Dinkleberg, and the Starsux movie “storyline” tomorrow? Be afraid, be very afraid.

Isn’t the Puke-Bucket Jones movie coming out in TWO WEEKS? And that’s not the topic?

I’m gonna guess at least a week of Komix Koroner comical book Tomsturbation before then. Well, we did all want the pointless 2 weeks of Senior Softball to end. So…be careful what you wish for.

If you wished for the Return of Rictus Homunculus…strap yourself in. I’m sure it won’t be be crazy self-absorbed strips about Tom hating his Mother!

I have a Star Trek $1 under my bed in a water tight container in a plastic wrapper

GAAAAH! Not Starmuck Jones komix again!

“The monthly comic book from my Starsuck Jones subscription should be in today’s mail”… said no human being, ever.

Why not something simpler like “My Starsuck Jones comic should be in today’s mail”? Y’know, something a human might actually say? I guess Batty finds it important to let us know Homunculus Jff has a monthly subscription to the comic, so he’s a Serious Fan, not just some dilettante who occasionally picks it off the spinner rack (then again, isn’t the spinner rack the Sacred Altar of Komix?), and of course it isn’t just a “comic”; it’s a “comic book,” the highest form of literary expression.

The scene: the tavern from the late comic “Ink Pen.” Three postmen are sitting at the bar swapping stories of their day. First guy talks about how he has to deliver to “Mother Goose and Grimm,” and you would not believe the booby trap that dog set this time. Second guy talks about how he has to deliver to “Blondie,” and how once again Dagwood came charging out of the house and knocked him down. Third guy says “I had to deliver a second-rate comic-strip collection to some guy who says he’s been waiting for it his whole life.” Bartender looks at him with sympathy and says “your drinks are on the house tonight.”

Hey, Davis—where’s sepia-toned Homunculus Jff in the last panel? How are we supposed to understand that he’s Jff’s “inner child” who’s mental development has been hopelessly stunted by his comic addiction if you don’t show us?

A boy and his comic books……..at least he is reading!!!!!

The postman said, and to think, I almost slipped it down the storm sewer with those Hammacher Schlemmer catalogues.

crankshaft not seen in 6 days and mattys still 94 years old i hope he didnt eat the cake

“That’s nice, loser.”

The only saving grace (if one could call it that) is that this wasn’t presented as a “sideways” panel…!

Wait a minute — didn’t Jeff buy this “omnibus” at Komix Korner in an earlier strip?

DID BATTY WHACK FORGET HIS STORY LINES YET AGAIN???

“When suddenly, his mother’s ghost appeared, waving a wooden spoon. She grabbed the omnibus edition of the most wretched Starbuck Jones comics that she so totally hated, and promptly toss them into the fiery furnace…”

Remember, Jeff sold all his comic books (that were stored in his attic) years ago. Is he now re-building his collection of the same comics?

Good one.

so those two drips at the comic store couldnt order this for him ?soon comic store will end up like hardware store

Five panels of Mental Midget waiting for the mail? Batty really knows how to develop the tension in one of his grand stories!

Starbuck Jones Omnibus Collection?

These are from the IRS. I’ve been delivering these boxes everywhere.

—and it’s delivered by the mailman? Who is walking his route with a bag slung over his shoulder? Is that still a thing anywhere this side of the Eisenhower era? When I order a book, it’s usually through Amazon, and I get an e-mail with tracking information. When I get something in the mail, a van drives up to the neighborhood kiosk and a worker puts everything in its locked boxes. There’s no point in hovering around the porch waiting for the mail.

Sweet memories.

I check back in after a blissful few weeks off and what do I see: “Omnibus Editions” of xomixs. As usual. Who TF even calls them that? “collections” – sure, I have the “JImmy Corrigan collection.” “The complete” – yep. I have a “Complete collection of Bone.” Omnibus Edition? Shut up Jfff.

Oh! Those were the days! At such a young age, when waiting for something in the daily mail was the most important thing in my young preteen life.

My oldest is BATMAN #11—1942—-Joker,Penguin, jury duty for Batman, and the despicable Joe Dolan.