Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for June 23, 2024

Where’s Crankshaft’s star?

Which Barbie doll is that one, and who’s going to tell her that standing under a lamp post along Hollywood Boulevard doesn’t make the nearest star “hers”?

Gosh! Did you know that Tom DID NOT WIN A PULITZER like TWENTY FIVE YEARS AGO, and has NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT? So, he’s given himself IMAGINARY PRIZES ever since, like A FREAKING TODDLER WOULD PRETEND? Nice Job, 76 year old toddler!! WHERE ME GOLDANG OSCAR

“Gee whiz! A star that I already have, except in front of a sticky-floored former strip club in rust belt Ohio!” For those of you who never watched Funky flame into ocean like some Musk/Boeing spaceship, TOM already gave himself the OSCAR FOR BEST ACTRESS. That is A: not a joke, and B: Tom doesn’t know who the joke is. This is pathetic, old man.

That last panel—Have you ever seen a picture that so says “I didn’t do it!” paired with a crazy man obviously farting? (X-MEN’s John Byrne: “YES I HAVE. But last time, I GOT PAID FOR MY ART.”)

People will see that and think, who is that, I never heard of him!

and the city will come along and fine them for doing damaging to the sidewalk.

“We’ve got a surprise for you too… My wife, Cindy, is pregnant at 70 years old! Who woulda thunk it??”

It’s a trspdoor to the sub-cellar…where they have an even bigger surprise for ol’ Mason.

It’s called starring!

70 year old Cindy looks great, Botox does wonders

Mason either owns or has dumped a bunch of money into The Valentine, right? So he is paying for this tribute to himself even if indirectly.

So… when was yesterday’s strip supposed to be taking place? This would appear to be at the same time as the rest of last week’s strips (save yesterday), given that Mason and Cindy Age 70 are wearing the same outfits and the Entertainment Tonight correspondent is still there. Did Mason take time out from this (supposedly major) event to change clothes and hang around the Komix Korner (which isn’t even in the same town as the Valentine)? And if so, WHY? Are we just supposed to assume it’s more time-warping shenanigans from TimeMop, the Elegant Solution™?

(Also, did they put up a cardboard cut-out of Generic Blonde Mindy in the last two panels? Is that why she looks exactly the same in both panels? Surely it’s not because Dan Davis is just recycling art assets, right?)

(Also also, I’m pretty sure in the last panel, the shrooms Mason took are kicking in. That’s what that facial expression conveys, right?)

I actually like the back and forth of this strip. It beats flaming grills in space every-other week.

So they put it SIDEWAYS in front of the entrance door?

Must be some special event with that “dress”!!!!!!!

No Crankshaft, even on Sunday. Old cartoons never die, they just fade away.

Nice.

next week scenes from the movie and dont you dare think about bootlegging

The Valentine has a star on Hollywood blvd? Because that’s what’s she’s saying.

What happened to Mindy? She’s frozen in a weird position but still able to talk normally. Did she have as much Botox as Cindy and can no longer move?

I expected Ed to make his weekly cameo on Sunday. No such luck. Does that mean we get a whole week of him starting tomorrow, or will we be treated to yet another week of the Rise of the Craplorians?

So how did Max and Hannah afford this? Did they sell Mitch?

Hmm, we haven’t seen Ed for a while now, Did the kids harvest Gramp’s organs and sell them on the black market?

Remember when Fritzi Ritz lost her top billing in her own comic strip?

Woo Hoo! It’s the Centerville Walk of Fame.

Father: “There it is, kids. The star on the Centerville Walk of Fame. Okay, everybody back into the car.”

Shouldn’t we have a catfight between the two generic blondes? They’re both dressed in nearly-identical garments. They must both be furious that the fleaBay vendor lied about “This dress is the only one in this style!”

Isn’t the Valentine Mason’s real star? If not for his continual investment, they’d be no Valentine.

“… this way, every dog that walks by can p!ss on it…and some local drunks can too…”

I hope this means that this idiotic butt-sniffer jones story is finally over

And for the SEVENTH! STRAIGHT! FURSHLUGGINER! DAY!, we’re being regarded by Batty Whack as having very short attention spans, with the reminder that this is about “STARBUCK JONES III: THE RISE OF THE BANDELORIANS”!

This strip is worthless with these current characters.

This is a lie. Mason Jarre does not have a star on Hollywood Blvd. The great and famous Maurice-Alexis Jarre does (at 6505 Hollywood Blvd) and Al Jarreau does (at 7083 Hollywood Blvd). But no Mason.