Herman by Jim Unger for September 19, 2024

Yes. It was fixed by “Mad Scientist Repair Service”.

Therac Mk 2

I was prepared for an important scan. Me on a gurney. The scan nurse/technician, a surly lady, said out loud, “The computer is all phooked. It needs a dooosh.”

Scared me half to death. I asked if it was a Microsoft System. “Ya, happens all the time. Do you mind waiting?”

Coincidentally and ironically, the patient’s name is ‘Ray’. He’s now an ex-man.

That’s what they told me about the lottery machine. “Works fine, Ma’am! Oh, it still won’t read the pages. Oh, well, come get your refund – AGAIN!” (fourth time this MONTH!)

Tim the Tool Man re-wired it

There’s nothing wrong with the operation of the equipment. The problem is that it’s incorrectly labeled.

That machine goes up to 11.

He may be overdone but he’s still got his head up. Also, doctors don’t use those reflector things anymore.

New combination x-ray machine, blast furnace.

Fewer gamma rays

Oh, and tell Mrs. Wilson in waiting room 3 that she has a gallstone.

Repair guy thought he was fixing a microwave.

Yeah, Boeing came out and fixed it yesterday.

Too much toner.

What? I kicked it. Didn’t that work?

Sorry. Installed the wrong replacement power supply.

Do you do turkeys?.. well, yes, I guess you do…

Reminds me of our honeymoon. On the second day my wife decided to use a tanning bed to get an even all over tan on her Irish skin. It was defective and burned her pretty bad. At least we had the first night. Wink, wink, say no more.

Ray is now X-Ray.

Lesson: never trust a machine that has an X in front of your name.

“I smell bacon!”

The Communications squadron at Tempelhof airport, impressed the importance of turning off the radar before working on it. They took people to the roof and tossed an apple or potato up in the air into the beam and watched it explode.

When you saw the repairman was a hunchback named Igor and was dragging one foot, that should have been a clue

Worked as an x-ray tech for many years. Running joke was “I have three kids, one of each”.

What’s the problem, it cured up what was ailing him.

I was looking at the tag and the power supply to the tube was 500,000 volts.

… but good!

That’ll get the employees asking “Anyone smell ham?”