Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 09, 2024

seems no one is ever in my hurry!

They’re looking for an escalator so they can walk on it!

Wise A sits around doing nothing.

I always figure they’re running short of bladder space.

Or mental space. I have been tailgated by more than one driver who responded unthinkingly to me slowing down by simply staying (too darn close) behind me until I came to a complete stop on the side of the road. THEN they woke up and drove past me.

Tailgating = hemorrhoid

Because sitting around on the freeway and doing nothing is not good.

Put a normal person behind the steering wheel and watch that person change without a full moon!!!!

Well Rat that because them tailgators is just donkeyholes.

They are in a hurry to go nowhere!

The people who just sit around may not be the same people who drive too closely behind slower drivers.

It’s worse to get stuck behind a “careful” (slow) driver, and when you try to pass they speed up.

We live on a street posted at 25 mph speed limit. Pretty much a joke.

I would picture Rat as the tailgating one. With that character behind a wheel there must be road rage.

So many important people, with important things to do, important calls to make, and important places to go.

people who stare at a tiny screen all day do not have the best depth perception.

stay out of the left lane or keep up with the flow of traffic.

Traffic is full of people trying to win a competition against other people who do not know they are competing.

But I guess folks gotta take their wins where they can get them

“Rushing on their way to their busy dying day…” They have to hurry home to take their “Mother’s Little Helper” so they can sit and be more receptive to their programming from the Boob Tube.

I notice a lot of driver’s racing to the next red light 2 blocks away.

It amazes me how people will speed up to get behind you and yet not want to pass when they have the chance. I like to set my own speed, just above the limit, and move along. I hate having someone get behind me only to ’’shadow’’ my speed with no intentions of passing.

They’re in a hurry to get behind the next car. They’ve got lots of tailgating that needs to be done.

Der Radwechsel, Bertolt Brecht

Ich sitze am Straßenhang. Der Fahrer wechselt das Rad. Ich bin nicht gern, wo ich herkomme. Ich bin nicht gern, wo ich hinfahre. Warum sehe ich den Radwechsel mit Ungeduld?

I’m sitting on the side of the road. The driver changes bikes. I don’t like where I’m coming from. I don’t like being where I’m going. Why do I watch the wheel changewith impatience?

Mr/Mrs tailgator, you riding my butt isn’t going to make the cars in front of me go faster.

In northern Wisconsin they drive close behind you, so when the deer jump out, you hit them instead of the person following you. If you slow down, they also slow down

I think George Carlin said it best; something along the lines of ‘people driving in front of you are dumb and those driving behind you are crazy’.

Tailgating at a Bengals game is a lot more fun. And The Count does not drink, btw. Note: The Count has seen Steeler fans so drunk they were carried in to the games.

Does that donkey ever come down from his hill?

Hey, Rat. Rats shouldn’t be driving!

They’ve decided that it’s worth shortening their life to save 30 seconds.

go around MF go around :) folks can pass me all day long

A valid question

I have to admit, based on Rat’s question I thought he was about to make a snarky comment about the Great Wise Donkey himself.

Some answers are very complicated.

maybe to do nothing sooner would be my guess. :j

I pull over and let them go by. I’ve decided that nothing I do will change their behavior and I’d rather be safe.

The hill gets steeper with panel until it’s almost vertical in the last one?

Hey, doing nothing needs all the time in the world.

It’s obvious. They are in a hurry to sit around and do nothing.

What’s really bad is that, after tailgating you for some time while there is a clear lane on both sides of you, they honk and zoom past (sometimes on the right) while giving you the finger, like you’ve done something terrible by driving right at the speed limit (or just a little faster).

In a hurry to be at their destination. No one actually WANTS to be in their car. Why are you driving so slow?

They are in a hurry to get to their own funeral and maybe take other people with them.

Good question, however the GWA sits around all day…

Todd Rundgren once did the song “Emperor of the Highway” which contains all the answers to that which you seek

Youtube : 5IJUACu1LdA

And why don’t they just )(&%#_! go around you?

Their jobs pay by the hour, not the productivity.

On a road to nowhere. Just a bunch of Talking Heads.

To yack on the phone but heck they do that driving the car. They probably do that at work. Heck, try and teach bunch of 7th graders wanting to yap as well. “Oh, the sounds of silence…People talking without speakingPeople hearing without listeningPeople writing songs that voices never sharedAnd no one daredDisturb the sound of silence”

If there is a line of cars behind you, and clear road in front of you, you’re the problem.

Here’s a mathematical proof of why the only kinds of drivers you encounter on the open road are either jerks or ässholes. We begin with definitions:

(a) A sane driver is anyone like you, who drives at exactly the right speed.

(b) A jerk is anyone who goes slower than that.

© An ässhole is anyone who goes faster.

Since the other sane drivers are going just as fast as you are, you will never overtake them, and they will never overtake you. However, you’re guaranteed to eventually catch up to those dawdly jerks ahead of you, and those impatient ässholes in back will always end up tailgating you. Therefore it’s simple logic that the only other drivers you encounter will always be either jerks or ässholes. QED.

“I can’t drive 55”

Or 65 for that matter .

Get out of Florida

I always wonder what kind of jobs they have that they want to get to so fast. I never wanted to get work that much.

Most of the time people are distracting themselves. When they don’t have a distraction, they remember how miserable they are.

Just because you sit around doing nothing doesn’t mean your time isn’t precious. Idle moments are often something to be cherished.

Ergo, make every effort to box them in so they miss their exit.

Weavers are the worse.

Be a$$holes.

If you can read this, my sticker says "YOU ARe a moron’

just gotta luv it when you’re in a line of cars and there’s nothing anybody can do, and the bozo behind ya has to ride your tail… as if that’ll get things moving any faster… (too bad there’s no pill for that!)

Driving is a competition for a lot of people. When I was a kid I read an interview with Stirling Moss, one of the greatest grand prix drivers of the ’50s. He said that he thought driving on the street was more dangerous than driving in a race because in a race he knew that the drivers were all skilled and their actions were predictable.

Maybe going the speed limit possibly

Great Wise Donkey seems to be one of them.

My dad used to say, “That guy’s in a big hurry to get some place and sit down.”

Wiseass: “No comment…”

A word from the a$$ might help Rat more than a word from the a$$. If you know what I mean.

You’re asking the wrong question, Rat!The real question is “Why are all these people with nowhere to be driving IN FRONT of me on the highway??”

We’re in a hurry to sit and do nothing. Duh.

poll:do you call it the highway or the freeway?