Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 19, 2023

Stick it next to your participation trophy you got in the third grade.

Participation trophies for all the snowflakes who thought about doing something!

Frankly, I hate it when people just give out awards to everybody, because it’s demeaning to the ones who tried the hardest. You might as well call them “Don’t Bother” awards.

Sometimes I could use one of those.

Kind of like participation trophies.

I like the way Pig thinks.

My brother has an Honorary Human Certificate.

Take every day, one day at a time!

The thing about participation awards is that each kid that has one knows full well that’s all they are, a nice reminder of the activity they did. Every kid. I asked some neighborhood kids about this. It’s the adults that are “triggered” through their insecurities and memories of whatever failure they’ve had as youths…grow up people and let the kids have their memories

Eh is there certificate of achivement for getting highest number of picanic baskets?

One coupon also, for a free hug and a $1 coffee from Starbucks…

These days, that’s no small achievement

A necessary but not necessarily sufficient condition for any bigger achievements.

With the spread of government-sponsored euthanasia and the push to use it, remaining breathing for 24 hours might actually become an achievement worth celebrating in the near future.

I miss the crocs.

Pig is underrated

Pig has created a new way to celebrate mediocrity.

You also get a Congratulations Certificate if you didn’t make it through the day. It’s because you made the world a better place, either by your actions, or because the world is better off without you in it.

I used to think that most of us were just doing the best we can. Now I’m not so sure.

… said the microscopist.

A Harvard degree.

Ummmm. No.

One day at a time. That’s how I live my life, but I do not want a certificate for it. That’s kind of stupid.

If you get one every day, soon you’ll have enough to wallpaper your entire house

And they wonder why so many people do the minimum.

Better a snowflake than a lump of coal.

It does diminish the impact/status if you have 12 valedictorians instead of 1. But if I go through one whole day eating healthy all day I want some reward. I used to tape a dollar bill to my bath mirror…

I would appreciate one. At my age, just waking up in the morning is an accomplishment.

This piece could be construed politically as one of those “Everyone Gits a Trophy” piece. If I commented on it from that slant, what would el controllee, P.W. write?:

If you croak before midnight, your heirs have to give it back…

I want one !

College diplomas in a lot of fields are just as “useful” and a lot more expensive. Like, who is going to open a Philosophy store?

We see that Rat accepted the certificate. Even he likes to be noticed and apprehended. He doesn’t degrade Pig for possibly being insincere.

At my age getting up in the morning….

I think there is some profound wisdom in the final panel…

A for effort!

Some of us make it through another day … but just barely.

Save that for when you get older. Believe me you’ll need it.

I once issued certificates of achievement to a colleague every time he showed up to work for five full days a week. He was near retirement and determined to burn through sick time and I couldn’t believe how rarely I printed one.

After seeing all of the “awards” at my last workplace going to the connected, for sexual favors, nepotism and rump smoochers, I had an epiphany.I would go to work and do my job to the best of my ability everyday.I tried to end my shift with the knowledge I made an impact to the overall operation.Receiving a simple Thank You from my fellow co-workers and my direct superiors was my reward. I see Pig doing this with their fellow person. Good Job, Stephan, Thank You!

“I believe I’ve passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage;

I’ve found that just surviving was a noble fight."

—W. Joel

…and here you are reading the comics instead of doing something…Bless Your Heart

Maybe if we 1. weren’t so hyper competitive and 2. didn’t have sky-high expectations of life we wouldn’t need such sad psychotherapy.

Yet another meaningless Certificate of “Achievement” to file along with all of the similar ones sent to me by eager charities and/or causes in anticipation of donations. What fools these mortals be!

The day is not over yet