Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 08, 2024

The important stuff

the kids, oh god no….

Well, yeah.

Now, they need a car with 2 honk the horn buttons.

Please don’t let these two have children.

There is someone for everyone!

This is wonderful news—now no one else will be stuck with either one of them!

Pig can be best man!!!

There is someone for everyone.

Rats, am I right?

I hope this continues on Monday.

So rat finally married.. the female version of himself

I wonder if this will be an arc

Ratita?

The physicists are wrong. The shortest measurable time span is not 250 zeptoseconds but the time between the green light and the first honk.

HEY! I got gas & 1st gear for two cars!

I love how they both stand up :)

There’s someone for everyone … even Rat

I’m pretty sure that both being equally hard to get along with isn’t a good recipe for a long and pleasant marriage.

Will they have a love nest, or a Rat’s nest?!

I’ve had people honk at me the second the light turns yellow, even though the red light is still on.

And what kind of gesture might that be? Hum? Might it be the indexing digit? Hum?

And then there are those drivers, first in line at the traffic light, who, when the light turns green, just sit there and sit there. Eventually you see their head bob up from staring at their phone, noticing the green light and they finally go. I don’t honk… they’re too many whackadoodles around who’ll jump out of their car with a gun.

Rat’s wearing a bow tie.

1 second? You gotta give them time to take their foot off the brake. 2 seconds is reasonable

Marry and move to Antarctica!

Oh noes. Rats is goings to multiplies and infestation problems going to gets worse now.

Anuptaphobia

“He who takes off on the green…

Gets T-boned by the one running to beat the red."

A female rat with blonde hair. It’s gotta be a wig, Rat. Watch out for additional fake stuff.

She must not drink as there isn’t one in front of her

Oh my, there going to breed. And rats can produce thousands of offspring per year. We’re dooomed!

If the goobs are staring at their phone (you know the type, the ones who have to pick up and look at their phones the second they come to a stoplight) then they deserve both a honking and a one-finger salute.

Rat finally dates another rat and it’s true love at first sight. I wonder how long it’ll last.

How long can this possibly last?

Hopefully they agree on people who don’t use turn signals too.

And so, we enter a new chapter…

Oh I hope this becomes an arc.

Gah!! I want to be invited to the wedding, please!!

Does this mean that they could gasp breed??!

If you do that in Miami, you might get shot.

When you know she’s the right one, you don’t have to wait around

My kind of woman, get oof your phone and drive you dead beat.

I think this is going to play out for Rat like it did for Jerry when he met Jeannie.

“this woman is different, she’s incredible. she’s just like me. She talks like me, she acts like me. We even have the same initials. Wait a minute, I just realized what’s going on… Now I know what I’ve been looking for all these years—myself! I’ve been waiting for me to come along and now I’ve swept myself off my feet.”later“I realized what the problem is. I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself!! If anything I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. I can’t take it!”

They will love making each other’s life miserable and complain about it, consequently making others miserable. I’ve known couples like that.

Oh no, now there’s two of them?! I wonder what will happen if that female rat and Pigita met with each other?

Aw, there’s somebody for everybody.

Now they can both get worse together.

You mean you have to physically push the mechanism on the steering wheel to honk the horn? In South Florida, is is MANDATORY that all cars are equipped with a device that causes the horns on the 2nd and 3rd cars in line to honk within 1.27 milliseconds after the light turns green.

Oh horror of horrors! Whatever happened to marrying someone who brings out the BEST in you!

But does she have a bat?

You do have a lot more people looking down at their cell phone now.

Awww I ships it <33333333

There is an old saying that the fastest known period of time is between a light going green and a NYC taxi honking…

The very definition of the “New York Minute.”

Ain’t ❤️ grand?

I honk if I see someone screwing around on their phone.

They must live in Boston!

The continuation of the rat race is assured.

Please, Stephan, don’t let these two have kids. I have enough problems in this strip.

I always hesitate a bit as I watch for cars running through the intersection on a yellow light turning red or even a red light. Saved me more than once.

Love at first slight?

NYC the people had their hand on the horn and would hit it the moment the light turned. I was driving a standard shift and would just push the clutch in to slow ever so slightly without a brake light.

Rats.. are not fussy. They do not go for looks, or anything for that matter.

I never go the minute the light turns green. I have more than once avoided an accident by hesitating as some vehicle ran the red light in front of me.

They were made for each other.

I only honk a millisecond after the green if I watched him speeding up behind me zip over, pass, and zip back to be first at the red light. My riders say, “Tom don’t do it.”

Many years ago my favorite bar hosted speed dating for one night only. I didn’t know they were doing so, I just walked in and idly wondered why there was such a big crowd, but took it in stride. I sat at a high top and some woman sat down across from me and started telling me the basics of her life story. I nodded and smiled and made a few non-commital sounds like “Oh, wow” but I wasn’t at all interested. Then she asked me about myself, I shrugged and said “There’s not much to tell” and looked down at my phone. She said “Wait, are you not here for speed dating?” and that’s when I realized what was up.

A short while later I caught the eye of two or three other regulars who’d been similarly taken unawares. We decided that since the place was packed and noisy we would take our drinks out onto the patio. (It was the kind of bar that attracted people who wanted to enjoy some peace and quiet on their night out.) We spent most of the rest of the evening making fun of the speed daters.

Yeah, this sounds about right.

I was visiting L.A in the 90’s, and this was wild. Being from a rural part of NC this was an eye opening experience. As soon as the light turned green, horns would start honking. But, hey, Go Dodgers!

I bet their arguments will be EPIC!

Rat was right yesterday. His life is getting better and better

Rat found his soul mate

Get serious fellows, how long do you think they’ll last together?

Ah, Romeo and Juliet…Bonnie and Clyde…the Joker and Harley Quinn…

Let’s face it. They’re made for each other.

Wow, Rat dating, and connecting with his own species

I’m predicting an ephemeral union.

Kinda hope she’s not going to just disappear tomorrow.

They say there is someone out there for everybody

When I’m the second one in line, I’ll give them a three count (1 mississippi, 2 mississippi, 3 mississippi) then a short toot. Then they put their phone down and flip me off.

Ratitia?

They will eat their young

I’m so happy for Rat!

If the car behind me honks as soon as the light turns green, I turn on my hazards and sit there until the light turns yellow