Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 11, 2019

Kale at dawn — isn’t that a punishment in Hell?

Interestingly, almost all the data on “junk food” being “bad for you” is correlative, not causative. Most people who try to lose weight gain it right back, as if there’s a “natural weight” people have that has nothing to do with what doctors tell us is the “correct” weight. Pig’s comment may be deeper than it seems: not only do we not know how long we’ll live, it may even be that “eating healthy” doesn’t really extend our life at all.

Why have a long life if one can not enjoy certain pleasures? And among those pleasures are food and drink.

I’m not sure which is worse — drinking kale, or rising at dawn. You got it right, Pig.

Jef, I wish you a long deprived life. But you may go out and get killed in an accident after drinking your kale. What a last meal.

It doesn’t make any difference what you eat, you’re going to die in the end.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Exercise is great … as long as it occurs after you wake up at noon.

No, it isn’t.

Drinking kale will extend your life by six years. The question now is how much do you want six more years of drinking kale.

Don’t listen to him, Pig, you’re living the good life.

Now I want chili cheese fries. I hope Stephen is getting sponsorship money from Hormel and Kraft.

Life is to be enjoyed. It’s quality is so much more important than it’s quantity.

My least favourite character in this strip is the guy insulting Pig. I loathe sports

Never knew drinking kale results in talking crap… live and learn!

I ride my bike to get to the hamburger places.

4:20 comes round twice a day, just saying…

To each his/her own.

Cheese covered Zebra ! … Croc Power !

What is this “Dawn” of which you speak, Jef the jerk?

I often rise well before dawn, but it’s not by choice.

Jef the Cyclist won’t actually live longer than other people – it will just seem a lot longer.

Inscribe that on my urn, that I wasted my life in enjoying it.

…Is there a Jef action figure?

Jef’s getting Moobs. Steroid side-effect?

I rise at dawn because that’s what my does naturally. And I love that time of day most of all. Drinking kale would not add joy. That’s what coffee is for.

Hey, Jef the Cyclist, Go to Kale. From Geoff the Sardonic PUNisher.

Actually, I am kind of surprised Pig did not make a meal of Jef the Cyclist. Pigs have been known to feed off people on occasion.

I want a Chili cheese fries, Serrano Onion Rings, and a Habanero Orange Drink, please….

When I rise to power, people like Jef the cyclist will be sterilized.

Just another thought. 45 years ago, a band by the name of ACE had a hit called “How Long (Has This Been Going On)”, written and sung by Paul Carrack. With that in mind, I was thinking of calling this new song, “How Long They’re Gonna Live Jef” and singing it to the same beat as the ACE song with the lyrics being all of the lines in this strip. And then some.

1 Timothy 4:8 Look it up.

Jef will likely die on the road, some SUV will mow him down.

Waking up at the butt crack of dawn isn’t so bad. It means you can take your mid-day nap earlier.

Gotta agree with Pig on this one

PIG! Is sticking to his guns! Phooey! I don’t want to drink kale when I can have chili cheese fries? Yum yum yum

I’ve always wondered whether Pastis got run over by a bicycle as a child, or something.

10 years I DON’T have to spend in a nursing home? WIN!!!!!!!

Guy goes to the doctor.

Doctor says “If you give up smoking, drinking, running around with women, and start eating healthy, you’ll live to be 100”.

Guy says “If I do all of those things, why would I want to live to be 100”.

Sounds like Pig would love poutine!

Don’t worry Pig…Jef just inhaled too much auto fumes!

Drink kale in the morning and obsess over climate change all the rest of the day. What a life!

Jef gets up at dawn so he can do his 100 mile fun bike ride before lunch.

News flash! Jef is gonna die too…

Six hours later, Jeff was killed when the driver of the bus beside him sneezed. With his last breath, he whispered, “chhh eee sss eee f f f r r r i i i e e e ss s s”

Can we get an amen……for a lot of us, it’s raining, so time to stop saving up

U.S. Olympic cyclist Kelly Catlin found dead in her Stanford residence at age 23.https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/u-s-olympic-cyclist-kelly-catlin-found-dead-her-home-n981591

Too bad he can’t grow a beard. Then we could make fun of his hipsterism too

Hey, Jef, go cycle off a cliff

I don’t know any keen cyclists who are diet fanatics. Just the other way around – they tend to inhale anything that isn’t nailed down after a long ride.

The Devil’s greatest trick was convincing Mankind to eat kale.

Living life, enjoying the simple and complex, in moderation is the most sensible approach – many fitness gurus who stuck to a rigid regiment died early in life.

what a dweeb – glad they wear costumes to give us fair warning

Give me the fries,the kale wold make me puke for 2 hours!

The way some of the cyclist ride on the roads makes me feel that they don’t care about long life, or believe that kale makes them invincible. The cyclists will make turns (left and right) without giving any signal, slow down randomly, or just sail through red light. And groups of cyclists are even worse. They are quite rude and obnoxious to other vehicles & pedestrians on the road.

Jim Fixx, one of the earliest big names in jogging, died of a heart attack in early middle age. Adelle Davis, health food superstar, said “I never knew anyone who drank a quart of milk a day to die of cancer.” Enter dramatic irony.

Sheriff Bart: “If you keep drinking like that, you’re gonna die!”

Waco Kid: “When?”

LOL. I totally get why Scott Adams like this strip.

“Rising at dawn to drink kale,” indeed!

I’m with Pig on this one. Once Mark Twain was convinced to give up his beloved cigars after being told he would shorten his life ten years by smoking. He later remarked, “at the end of two hours, I was convinced that the decade wouldn’t be worth living without any smoking in it. So I gave thanks and resumed these delicacies yet again.” On another occasion, he added, “If there’s no smoking in Heaven, I shall not stay there.”

I am not advocating smoking. But the sentiment is the same for all those people out there who would deprive you of any happiness and replace it with dreariness. “Rising at dawn to drink kale,” indeed!

Dawn? Pfft! I got up at 3 AM every day, ran 5-miles, cleaned up, had breakfast made the 40-minute commute to get to work before my subordinates in time to kick ass and take names. And my routes were uphill both ways.

Bicycle Guy’s stripe makes him look like a cardboard cutout.

Mmmmm. Kale juice.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

If you rise at dawn and drink kale, you might not live longer, but it will seem like it!

I’ve found kale to be edible, if cooked to within an inch of its life and covered with chili and cheese.

I am with you Pig. Life is uncertain, grab as much joy out of it as you can for as long as you can. There are too many “Jefs” out there whose only joy is denigrating others.

I’d rather enjoy a short life than be miserable in a long one.

Let me put this gently (since we know Jef the Cyclist is in RL a friend of Cartoon-Boy). Jef the Cyclist, you are crazy….

Rising at dawn to drink kale means you’re actually still asleep and having a nightmare.

Kale helps me clear my tubes.

I agree with Pig

I think the Buddhists have it right… moderation. I find a life with some exercise, some goofing off, some kale and some chocolate quite satisfying.

I prefer eating a real breakfast. Drinking kale is not a reason to get out of bed.

pig is livin the life tho

Jef should be careful. Out there is an 18 wheeler with his name on it!