Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 15, 2021

That classification is New Yorker.

How can you have a classification if you have no class?

“I can anticipate their idiocy”. Yes, with yours.

My classification: When the light changes, I say “thanks, Light”.

I’m very patient. I wait three seconds before waking up those jerks.

In Chicago they push you through the intersection.

true

Why the negative comments? If Rat has a talent for precognition, he could be very useful. Keep him around, use his abilities, above all, never let him have more than two coffees.

I never blew the horn; I just shouted, “HOW GREEN DOES IT HAVE TO GET!!!!” That was only when I was driving the company truck.

Just the tappy toot though, not the aggressive blast…just a little.. “Hey! Hang up!” Honk…

I rarely use my horn. Around here, you never know who is packing heat.

No. Rat drives military surplus Humvees. He simply pushes the cars in front out of the way.

We don’t have that issue around here!! We just eliminated all the green lights!! The “problem” solved itself quickly enough!!

(0_0)

If I’m the first car at the light, I’m honking at the person that just ran the red light going the other way. It happens every day at every light I’m stopped at.

Then there are the people who beep at you to make the right turn you are signaling when there is a “No Turn On Red” sign.

Yes. It’s called rat.

Oh, it does, Rat. It does.

I believe Rat lied or misunderstood the question. Yes, he may honk in anticipation, but he would also honk again and again and again …

In India, there are so many horns blaring all the time, that you don’t pay special attention to any particular horn… if you see the guy behind you get out of his car though, immediately scoot past the intersection – he’ll never be able to catch you in the mad rush! :D

When the light turns green nobody should take off immediately. You never know if someone is going to come barreling through from the other direction.

I was stopped in front of Rat once, for three consecutive traffic lights on a busy state road. By the third light I was pretty sick of this &^#$ and his horn, so when the light turned green I just sat there. Let him go berserk because, naturally, he was pulled up so close to my rear bumper that he couldn’t pull out of the lane and go around me. When the light was late yellow, I drove through the intersection to leave him first in line at the new red light. I know he enjoyed the view.

I never honk! Not that I’m a guy of much patience, I simply have nothing to honk as a bicyclist!

You’re still “impatient,” Rat.In fact, if you’re not careful, next time you honk before a light goes green, you might become “in-patient” courtesy of the driver ahead of you.

If someone blows their horn behind me, I will yell blow it out your (You know what)!

Doesn’t arise where I’m from – nobody stops for red lights anyway. They’re more to add a decorative tint than any attempt at traffic control.

That’s nothing, Rat. We gots clowns who honk during a red light too.

Just another case of Rat being Rat ;-)

All these comments are out of date. In the US I have learned that we no longer have road rules, we have road suggestions,, and NOBODY does what they are told.

Wonder what PIG would do?

His classification is Filthy Vermin.

His classification is Filthy Vermin.

His classification is Filthy Vermin

When 15 seconds goes by and they’re still on their damned phones, I honk!!

Prescient.

If I am first in line at a green lite I always wait a few seconds before moving thru the intersection. Because too many people try to beat the light, or simply do not bother to stop. Having a car t-bone you in the middle of an intersection can spoil your whole day.

Damn glad I do that because yesterday, just after my light turned green, a car, coming from my left, went thru the intersection at about 50mph. First time in over 55 years of driving that I witnessed a collision . Which totally blocked the intersection for several hours. Ambulance arrived, with fire truck about 3 min after I called 911

Here you go, Rat: Rattus Insufferablis. Happy now?

I don’t condone road rage, but I understand why it happens.

If the light turns green and they’re looking down at their phone, the honking commences.

I think those in the front of the line do that for attention. And those who block both lanes, driving slow earn their place in eternal hell.

|Rat you do have your own classification. We just can’t mention it by name or the comic censors will show up.

Of course, by pre-honking, you distract the person ahead of you enough that he’ll concentrate on you for a moment, and not notice when the light has changed.

It’s MUCH more effective when you are driving a Freightliner or a Peterbilt, and when the Air Horn lets loose and all the driver in front can see is a big chrome grille in their rear view mirror, they move!!

This reminds of the story about the little old Lady who was at a stoplight and her car had died and wouldn’t restart. When the light turned green, the guy behind her started blowing his horn constantly. Finally the sweet little old Lady walked back to his car and very patiently said “I’m sorry but my car won’t start.” “If you would be so kind as to try and start it, I would be happy to BLOW YOUR F-ING HORN FOR YOU!”

You left out the “nano-” in “second.”

In Idaho they’re called Californians.

I do confess, I become annoyed if the car doesn’t immediately accelerate at the green light.

In NYC many drivers hit the horn immediately upon the light turning green. I responded by lifting my foot off the gas.

Rat must be. Boston driver.

Oh it does, but I can’t use that term in polite company…..

In Ohio you always give the Green a moment or 3. People don’t stop for red lights right away. Also, look both ways when crossing one way streets. Yea Meth is a terrible thing.

I saw a YouTube video of a city in India (Mumbai?) with that problem and installed a red light that won’t change to green if the volume of noise in the intersection exceeds a certain level. The incessant honking stopped within a few days as drivers realized the honking was delaying the light. There was an electronic sign indicating the sound level and when the light would change. It’s perfectly quiet there now.

My wife rushes to tell me I’m impatient. Is she impatient at my impatience. Actually, this is the one that nails me. I don’t honk, I just raise my hand over the horn in case it takes more than a few seconds for them to proceed. Then my wife tells me I’m impatient even though I don’t chirp the horn.

Rat gets his own category called… Rat.

‘Round this neck of the woods, we’d classify you as a rat, Rat.

First panel, I’m both in the doctors waiting room.

If everyone in line at a red light would go (when it’s safe) at the same time, we could eliminate traffic jams in heavy traffic times. It seriously slows down traffic if everyone waits for the person in front to go and then moves. I do not suggest flooring it, but just getting moving when the light changes. It really does work, and can be done safely and is very efficient.

That’s just wrong. I watch a tailgater who cuts over and passes me and cuts back in, and besides laughing at the light, I beep the instant it changes.

I either shout,” It’s GREEEEEN!!!!” or “Do you need an engraved invitation?”

and Steven Hawkins is the car in front…

covid will fix all that

If I’m going at a safe speed and you honk at me, I will slow down just a bit.

Rule 1. Assume everyone is an idiot.

Rule 2. There is no Rule 2, Idiot.

Well, rat, you should be an INpatient.

“ Everyone driving slower than me is a moron. Anyone driving faster than me is a maniac!”

Sui generis.

Today most people are looking at a cell phone while waiting for the light to change green. You can see their head bowed down in another world. My 28 year old Volvo 240 SW is a very patient car. The 85 year old owner waits for a minute or 3 before giving a short beep. One time I was behind a cell phone disabled person waiting for the light to turn green at a complex intersection in Tucson. When light turned green guy behind me began honking. This woke up the driver ahead of me, who pulled slowly into traffic. Outraged driver behind us pulled around both of us at a great rate of speed unaware of the cop who witnessed the whole show.

this seems to be an idiosyncrasy peculiar to our area, but we’re constantly chuckling at the drivers who slowly, slowly, slowly inch forward in anticipation of the red light turning green and then are invariably passed by the car in the next lane that just accelerated when the light changed…

It does Rat, it does, but the administrators would smite me for identifying it.

Alas “your kind” does, Rat. It’s called victims of Road Rage! —Can’t be too careful when driving the deadly highways and byways in these times. At least, this is true in my Chicagoland….

I got stationed in Chicopee Falls MA in the 50s, the worst drivers were in Mass then, but I have been in Philadelphia several times, when you are waiting at a red light, you go when the intersection clears, even on the red. but if you want a thrilling drive, go to Mexico City, oh we also called the Japanese cab drivers, kamikaze drivers, just get in, cover your eyes and hang on.

Not impatient, Psychotic

I’m a New Yorker; I wait 3 seconds, then gently tap the horn.