Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 14, 2022

Nobody made you buy anything. It’s your responsibility to make sure you’re making a sound decision.

So if I put my wallet into an elevator, I’ll be rich?

Pig, you were supposed to sell when it dropped. That way, they get another commission.

But the #1 rule of brokers, if you’re not already rich, they don’t care about you.

The timing of this is uncanny…

Scott Van Pelt, once again the Antagonist of this strip.

All of us who have stocks can get certified as broker these days.

Has Pig never seen a Loony Tunes cartoon?!? Never do business with Acme!

My 200 shares of Horse and Buggy Whips have stabilized.

Pig, here’s a tip. Don’t look at a one month chart, or six month or one year chart. Look at a ten or twenty or forty year chart. You’ll see you aren’t broker, you’re richer, much richer.

Of course, that’s not nearly as funny.

Your broker makes you broker. You in turn, as broker, make someone else broker … who makes yet another person broker …

For every winner, there’s a loser.

‘Broker’ sounds so much better than ‘parasite preying on the clueless’. Don’t get me wrong, there are some really good and well meaning brokers out there. Finding them is the hard part.

Those who have stocks in your 401K or TSP know what Pig is talking about these days!

To paraphrase Bullet Bronson: You don’t loose a dime if you don’t sell. Hang on the market will be back.

Hey Pig. If you need to wallpaper a room, now you’re covered.

Hey, if you’re gonna gamble…

Many commentors here have it right. History has shown over the long run stocks always trend up. Lows as they are right now are actually a good time to purchase stocks (if you have the money). Patience always wins out. If you have none then you really should not be in the stock market at all.

Stock markets is for bulls and bears. Not for pigs.

“Broke” is like “unique” or “pregnant”. Either you are or you aren’t. There is no relativism.

I will be richer later.

I can wait.

Maybe it has to do with the economy.

hi

old joke…

I’m feeling serious schadenfreude (wow, got the spelling right on the first try) over people who bought Bitcoin at 60K.

No more puns!

If someone sneezes, the “ brokers” panic and stocks plunge….

Advice is cheap. The good variety, a bit more expensive.

Hey, Mr. Pig, how’s all those bitcoins you bought workin’ out for ya?

When they call them brokers, they weren’t kidding.

Perhaps Pig should invest in Bitcoin. I guess-timate that paper money will be extinct in a decade or so. (Though I kinda hope not)

Joe Kennedy Sr. realized it was time to get out of the market when his shoeshine man tried to give him a hot tip!

Yeah, but broke is an absolute term; there is no broker (as a comparative) or brokest. Just like there’s no deader (never mind expressions like deader than a doorknob). Poorer, maybe. Broker, no.

But don’t sell on the dip; all that does is lock in your losses. If your timeframe is long, ride it out. If you’re nearing retirement, one hopes you already had your investments in safer vehicles that are less affected by volatility.

A classic.

We have been doubly pun-ished. Economically, and comically.

“I’m not broke, just badly bent”

Invest in the big food companies.No matter how bad things get,people won’t stop eating

The Stock Market is just gambling

I went through two financial analysts after I retired. Both showed me the Stock Market growth since it began. This math major and engineer said, let’s see a bunch of 30-year intervals (about a generation, and maximum lifetime average for most retirements). They avoided 1929, and would now also avoid 2008 (when almost no bankers went to prison) and what’s coming. All they said was, “Grumble-grumble-grumble….” Also, neither would admit what THEY made off my investments. FUBAR

For sure!

Why is the 14-letter word beginning with a cry and ending in a ncy used for Bitcoins and their ilk on GoatKomixs banned list? Every time I’ve tried to use the word in a sentence, I’m being blocked by the censorious Overlords!

“Ooooooh! I get it now! You’re bookies!” – Billy Ray Valentine

This is why most people are better off investing in a low-cost, index-based Target Date Fund. Vanguard, Fidelity, and Schwab all offer good options. That gives you a fully diversified portfolio that steadily becomes more conservative as the date approaches that you expect to start withdrawals.A broker who makes stock picks for his customers is so behind the times, he’s not even a dinosaur, he’s an anaerobic bacterium.

Shoulda known from the company’s name.

Unless you’re in an IRA or 401K then your options are limited on when you buy and at what level.

I was so tempted to send this to my financial advisor, but she’s really much better than that. Still, stocks are way down this year….

Aren’t these written, like, six months in advance? How can it be so topical?

Dammit, Stephan! You could have run this particular strip a couple of years ago!!!!!

The market goes up and the market goes down; get used to it or go to CD’s.

You have to buy your stocks from a broker named Rich in order to break even