Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 02, 2024

I fear 80.

You can get hurt getting out of bed, if you are able to get out of bed.

Solutions: Stay off the roof, don’t do grass, and go have a burger.

He must be getting hurt emotionally too if he keeps changing women.

sad but so true…

Unfortunately, due to my SEVERE chronic illness, I guess my “box” would say, “AGE 46” “I clapped too hard, and now both of my hands are painful and have signs of SEVERE swelling!!!!” I suck, I really do. Feel free to “start” the mocking for this, “mama’s crystal boy,” pathetic shell of human wasted flesh!!!! (Beat that, basilbruce, I dare you!!!!) Dan aka human garbage!!!!

How to fall off a roof and get hit by a car?

A colleague was having some work done on his roof. Being an architect he went up there to inspect the work. He slipped and slid off the roof. On the way down he bounced off the scaffolding and landed on the grass. The roofers rushed him to the hospital in the back of their van. He ended up being more injured from all the tools in the back of the van falling on him as they raced around the corners.

There was no peanut butter involved.

Me, too, Pig. And it’s not as far away as it used to be.

Sometimes I hurt myself by yawing.

Spouse has recently entered the zone of “Turned sharply to the right” and now her hip hurts so much she can barely walk. We’re hoping that it’s something that will heal…

I have to be careful when I’m in bed. If I move my legs the wrong way, I get cramps in the calfs of my legs.

I’m going on 71. I went grocery shopping today. Consequently, I had to take pain pills so that I could move around enuf to make dinner. I am SO ready to trade this body in for a new one.

My grandmother at 90 used to say, “Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.”

For a while, I was getting double leg cramps when waking up. I think I was low on calcium.

My 75 yo bod can take a beating fine but the ability to stand on one foot has diminished. I read balance is like the ability to hear high pitched tones.. they decrease with mere age. Nothing to be done.

Well yes life is cruel and it a cruel world we is live in. But ya gots to bear it, see. For life is a gift. So not wastes your life!

“I’m in great shape for the shape I’m in!”

59 – I hurt myself sleeping.

I’m 66 years old, and all I need to do to feel pain is be awake.

I got injured exiting my safe room to tend my comfort kitten…

I wrenched my shoulder reaching for the seat belt…

Sammy Sosa hurt his back sneezing.

Age 70 trips over vines walking in the woods, recovering from 100% rotator cuff tear.

this is my life… I can throw out my back if I cough wrong

I haven’t gotten injured in my whole life.

my grandmother had a big bruise on her arm. I asked how it happened, and she said “the wind!”

I hurt my back when I sneezed somewhat violently – I was sitting in the back of a little car and I guess my posture wasn’t the best. And, of course, it’s always fun to “sleep funny” and wake up full of aches.

At 70 I sneezed

My wife hurt her finger wringing out a dishrag

If my body were a car, I’d have traded it in for a new one a long time ago. And I probably would have already traded in that one, too.

I cut myself reloading my razor.

Age 80 “I’ve fallen and can’t get up”

Her age 15: “I didn’t fall off the roof and had to go live with my grandmother in Indiana for nine months. Aunt Flo never did come to visit in all that time.”

I’ve got another month before I hit 80. At this age, any day you wake up is gonna be a good day…

All my bad falls have involved pets.

My Hot wife keeps me young!

Call Dan. He’ll get you cash for your injury.

Just this morning, I pulled a muscle in my calf walking down the stairs.

80: your cane splinters and you stumble; 100: you move; 120: please explain how you’re still alive, if it doesn’t hurt you too much to do so

Don’t forget the part where you get a lawyer and try to blame someone else and collect a windfall for your own clumsiness.

@Algolel I @Purple People Eater @blunebottle @Gamerguy47 @Frank_Lecanto @bigger Nate @[everyone else] Am I the only one under 50? I’m 13! Come on!

Last summer I fell 7 feet off a ladder picking cherries. Landed on soft freshly watered clover. Tiny bruise on my shoulder. I’m 75.


I’m dry, tame & 80,unable to open a small eyeshadow box marked wet & wild.

You can get hurt sneezing after 70!

This is too accurate for comfort

At 67, I can verify this one.

Pain is the reminder I am still alive.

My father-in-law used to say he felt like one foot on a banana peel and the other foot on a grave. He was a funny guy, I miss him. We really got along. So glad he went in his sleep. Wish I’ll be that lucky.

My joints yell at me for thinking about doing stuff!

I’m 88 – fear of 90

When I was 17, I bent over to pick up an arrow on the ground during PE. I tore the ligaments in my left knee, wore an immobilizer on my left leg for two months, then had to have physical therapy for three months. “Dumb” injuries like that can happen to younger people, too.

I’m pushing 70, and none of those ever happened to me.

I truly do not want to live last 80

Hello Darkness, my old friend

I stood up too fast again

The injured folks all have an arm in a sling, but I’m more concerned about what happened to everyone’s noses and mouths.

I’ve become rather adept at falling on my back from various heights. Sigh.

Panel 4 is why I gave up PBJ sandwiches.

Life is life. Things break down as they get older, that’s just facts.

You should, Pig. It’s not easy being old.

Hey! I’m 77 and I resemble that alligator!

80: “I breathed…”

66. Slammed into a fence playing pickleball. Skinned my knee. Possible concussion, but who can really tell at this age? I took a bunch of ibuprofen and sat out for 20 minutes. Off the court, I am painfully cautious.

He’s off. 40 is the new 20, … and 80 is the new 60.

These people are real wussies. (except 20)

No necessarily so.

At 80 it would be “I was breathing”.

Age 45 – I slept. Somehow that hurt.

Folks, enjoy life as best you can at any age. We only get one of them things.

Dad made it to almost 90 before he slipped on the grass and fell.

80. You looked at me wrong.

Getting up from the floor now requires the flexibility of a gymnast and the strength of a power lifter. And something to pull one’s self up with. Another pain somewhere is the reward.

Pathological fracture.

Stefan got lazy—nobody has a nose or mouth!

I’ve arrived and each morning feel the pains from all those slings and arrows of outrageously stupid fortune.

Dunno about life @80 (70s are hard enough). Better is Spock’s “live long and prosper”.

Or: I tried to open a bottle of Pastis and killed a guy. :D

The bummer is that the floor is definitely getting further away. :-(

I just turned 81 on Tuesday.

You SHOULD fear 80…

Fear 70. I stepped into a mole tunnel and severed an Achilles tendon. Don’t do that. For the love of God, don’t do that!

“I fear 80.” I fell down the stairs to Air Force One.

yes!

Happy Birthday! Welcome to the 60s!

and well you should!

People have injured their backs by leaning.

Testify

“I slept wrong.” How do you screw that up? … and yet, I have.

Subjective age. Take a selfie today. Your visage leaves a lot to be desired, right? Look at it again in five years and you’ll think you looked pretty good “back then.”

Eighty is coming up next year. I don’t fear it, but neither am I looking forward to it. With the horrible condition of the sidewalks in Mexico City, even now I am very careful when leave my apartment to take walks in my neighborhood.

Getting old is not for the faint of heart.

I’m nearing 80, and you can throw your back out and sprain your knee putting on your pants.

Good grief, y’all are old.

(turning 53 this year)

I mean once one hits their mid 30s, one can easily break a bone or two by slipping on the floor

I wish this were a joke. I recently sprained my wrist reading a paperback book. It still hurts. I wear a wrist splint when I read now, just the right wrist.

Sorry truth is, regardless of health, at around age 70 you are living on borrowed time. You might be laughing and singing “The Pizza Song” one minute then the next.. curtains. No one of any age is guaranteed one more breath but this is ridiculous.

I am 80. Be VERY afraid.

The 80 year olds I know seem to fear nothing, including the dance floor every Friday night.

At age 80, you will get hurt by walking.