Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for May 17, 2024

Just to remind everyone: Max and Hannah are the managers of the Valentine Theater, which is owned by Smugpuss Masonne Jarre. They run a vintage cinema, but should still have some awareness of when major current movies (of which, in this universe, “Starsux Jones III” would be) are coming out. They could read Variety of Boxoffice trade magazines or simply watch Entertainment Tonight" (which has done pieces on “If,” “Inside Out 2,” “Deadpool & Wolverine,” et al.). Why are they so clueless about a film whose predecessor premiered there and whose star is their boss?

Also: Mr. Jarre is the star and probably an “executive producer” of the Starsux sequel. He’s known for quite a while when it would debut (“tentpole” series pictures usually stake out their release dates a year or two in advance so they don’t conflict with other studios). Why on Earth would he wait until a month prior to spring this on his minions, and why couldn’t he have sent e-mails/texts first asking them to look into city permits, publicity, caterers (NOT Montoni’s), etc.?

Also also: Where’s Crankshaft?

So…the STUDIO sent GEORGE CLOONEY-MAN to Dumpster Town Ohio to negotiate using PUBLIC DOMAIN MUSIC a FEW MINUTES AGO IN STRIP TIME…But the movie-like object comes out in a couple weeks, in DUMPSTER TOWN OHIO. And boy—is he smug about it! Sounds like his Strarsuck Movie am GOODS! Maybe better than “Madame Web”!!

Tom calls this “writing” and “reality.” He literally has no idea how anything works. How does he think people eat their Montoni’s Pizza, by shoving the slices in their EAR?

But he’s right. Yesterday he said it wouldn’t be funny.

Mason Jarr’s deranged smile tells me that he’s in a manic phase. Maybe he is pranking his theater operators, or maybe he’s so out of touch with reality he could be writing this strip.

Seriously, no studio is going to bungle the opening night for a major motion picture this badly. Open it in Reduce Speed, Ahia, at a tiny theater run by two hobbyists? A place so backward they still use film and projectors instead of digital downloads and screens? Where is CME’s publicity department? How are they going to accommodate the reporters, internet journalists and other people who’d cover this event? Parking, hotel space food? Is Montoni’s going to cater it while Ed Crankshaft rents out his leftover eclipse supplies? At least that would get Ed back in his strip.

TOM: “Studios make decisions on movies that need to make a BILLION DOLLARS to just BREAK EVEN over the course of a whimsical week! TRUE craftsmen like COMIQUE ARTISTES sit on their utterly perfect unedited scripts for eleven months!” HAS HE RESEARCHED ANYTHING IN HIS LIFE? yells the Talking Murder Monkey.

so it’s going to be a direct to video, with limited theatrical release

okay, i’ll bite — what’s wrong with doing the dump in June?

No Pressure ! No Pressure at all !

Thought they had maybe a year?

Eh big deal. Just cleans up the ol projector and oils it up for smooth running. Can’t cha does even that much over a couple of weeks ya lazybones.

Current dumpster fire comic arc brought to you by the movie “Sing”..

“HAHAHAHAHAHA Good luck finding a venue for your premiere, Mason, it ain’t gonna be here.”

Hey kids! Let’s put on a world premiere!

Well, Deliverance had two premiers … the Hollywood event and another in Grayling, Michigan…home of Bear Archery.

Compare panel two to yesterday’s panel two. Davis can’t draw Jarree’s nose the same way twice. He knows the end is near.

WHOA! Language! Don’t make me call the Comic Strip Censor!

heavy sign well I guess we know who won’t be featured in his own strip for yet another month. Looking forward to a slapped together 200 million movie premiere which will be catered by the worst pizzeria around.

What did they have planned for June?

… by the way kids, the premier budget has not been approved. You’ll have to advance the expenses until we can pay you back.

……..nothing like plenty of time to plan!!!!!!

Must be R-rated for language.

With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to create a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft strip utilizing the GoComic “Random” button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. I will stop if I ever discover a random comic strip that I judge worse or more offensive than the actual strip of the day. I am purposely leaving out details because I want to invite you to read those strips. Comments and critiques are welcome.

Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History: Crankshaft from August 9, 2013. The random strip was part of a two-week story arc featuring a week of bad decisions and a following week-long epilog full of jokes. Ed has a couple boxes of documents he needs to get rid of. He calls a shredding service but decides he can save his money and do it himself, WITH FIRE! He carries the boxes out to his fire pit and soaks them with lighter fluid. The rest of the week, including our random strip where Ed trips on his shoelace while attempting to move his beehive, is a series of unfortunate events caused by bad decisions. The following week features a visit from the Centerville Fire Department and a discussion with family and neighbors.

Verdict: The random comic strip was part of a series of unfortunate events and a resolution I found entertaining. Ed’s penny-pinching ways come at a cost. Lillian hasn’t become her nauseating near-perfect Batiuk author avatar yet, she’s the oft-put-upon victim of Ed’s shenanigans. A role that I believe suited her better. This was a good story arc. This is a classic Crankshaft.

The 05/17/2024, the Crankshaft strip answers the question of when Masone allegedly expects the premiere to happen. Max and Hannah’s deer-in-the-headlight glares in panel #1 elicited a chuckle. Her grawlix-filled response was unexpected. Why is Masone smiling?Cont’d

June WHAT?

Okay, they’ve only got one month to g et out the floor shampooer and get ready for a complete madhouse.

The Wizard of Oz was first shown in a small town in Wisconsin

It’s a comic strip! There’s no media or publicity. They just want to keep you coming back HERE.

remember it’s @ before # except after $

I’m with the kids on this. Starbucks Jones 3 drops in June. Were in the middle to late part of May. Unless you’ve got an event planning agency ready to “help” them, no way can they pull off hosting the preimere in that short of time. And, even with the “help” of an event planing agency, a few short weeks is not enough time.

At least there’s some hope the arc will be over in a month.

Ah yes, this makes sense. He partially came to town to talk to Dinkle about what music from that horrible composer would best work with the film. That is premiering in a month or less. Which means it hasn’t even been scored yet? Riiiiiiiiiight.