Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for September 19, 2024

“No, you dimwits! I don’t understand how somebody could pour gasoline everywhere and still fail to burn down an ancient wooden garage with Roaring-Twenties doors!”

Umm, hello, Min-dull? It’s pronounced “Climate Damage!”

The fire department has Ed Craftshaft on speed dial.

The arsonist will return.

Poor Lillian.

We don’t understand either, Pam. That’s one of the things we’re waiting to see from this storyline.

OK, well, not so much “how” but “why”. It’s an important factor that’s still yet missing here.

At least Cranky is no longer among the missing…

Look at Batty, trying to sound all insightful and wise!

Burning a whaaat? Books? What books? Oh pleeease. This a clear case of a lousy attempt of burning only a couple of stairs and a bit of lawn. How on earth is a lousy attempt of burning a couple of stairs is become burning any books? It’s called burning? Geeeezz. This sooo preposteridiculudicrous.

Where are the police? Shouldn’t someone be investigating this case of arson? Taking photos, asking questions, checking Ed’s alibi?

Burned books? What burned books? People are jumping to conclusions again. It looks like a few burned stairs and a burned corner of the garage to me.

Actually, the damage doesn’t look too bad. Just buff out the rough areas with a little bit of sandpaper and a new coat of paint. They’ll be just as good as new.

The books remain undamaged, and that’s the only thing that matters in this story. That’s why the firemen had the ladder out. They were checking to make sure that the books were okay. They were. (Whew!)

Say, Jff. Why don’t you be a gentleman and test out those stairs?

What’s with the smoke clouds? Is the fire out or not? Won’t anybody think of the stairs!

Are those metaphorical clouds of doom and depression? What kind of world is it when people want to burn books (and the bookstore with it)? Batyuk thinks we’re doomed as a society.

Mason Jarr will be the next victim err volunteer to pass out these books at his theatre, the Valentine? Where else Dale Evan’s?!

Blah, blah, blah, nobody’s listening to your prattle. What it all comes down to is that Fahrenheit 451 is an old science fiction novel that most high schoolers today would have no interest in, so the arsonist (Cranky) is wasting his time. Now, if they were assigned Lolita…

Okay! Time to kick things off. Who knew exactly where the books were hidden?

We can learn a lot from the ideas of other people. My Great- Grandfather, Frank Schweinfurth, Sr. helped create the Republican Party. My Father, G. Walter Schafer, taught me that I can learn from people with whom I disagree. Both liberals and conservatives have become targets of censorship.

Yes, burning a book does more harm than good.

Good to see Crank there for the “immoral” support!!!

This could get Batty his Nobel or Pulitzer, or at least a Hugo

Wow. Deep. Tying book burning and “climate damage.” Surely the Pulitzer committee won’t overlook him again!?

ok you saw silent crank two days in a row but mrs fitz poodle is going into labor and if you need advice go sit on a park bench

What a lame arsonist. He couldn’t even get that constructed kindling to burn. A warm f*rt could’ve burned that dump better.

Heck, the first time someone presented stone tablets with writing on them, they got smashed!

Among all the stupidities of this Crankshaft storyline, somehow the one that hits me the most is that everyone seems to think that books are distributed only through bookstores, as if Amazon/Kindle, Apple Books and Kobo didn’t exist.

I can understand Crankshaft being in full regalia as bus drivers may start quite early in the day. Why are the Murdoch’s fully dressed in the wee hours? They presumably rushed out to view the fire. The Lambert’s looked to be in their sleeping apparel yesterday.

…….And he has no speaking lines…..

Age restricted, not banned. Unless you have a different definition of banned.

This story line is so over the top. Yes, parents have worked to get books they feel are not appropriate for young students out of schools, but those books are still available to the public. I challenge Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis to come up with one actual arson case to a book store in the USA in the last two decades. You want to talk crazy, let’s talk about the “fine people” that push publishers to change the text of classic novels because a phrase or word may offend someone. And oh by the way those classic novels have been banned in schools by those same people who cry about the books being banned today.

… and there we go with the weak sauce pontification.

Yeah, Batty. How can anyone do this? We’re still waiting for the reveal of your arsonist’s motive. Why do they find Fahrenheit 451 so objectionable? Why do they suck at starting fires?

I knew Batiuk would not do any serious analysis of the issue of what is appropriate to be taught to young children, but his “burning books bad” is so trite and superficial that it is pathetic.

“Fire bad. Tree pretty.”—Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Graduation Day, Part 2”

The most surprising thing about today’s comic is Mindy, “The Girl”, gets the most dialog. What she’s saying is inane, but the most dialog nonetheless. Well done, Windy Mindy! (golf claps)

I expected Loathsome Lillian or Ed to get the spotlight today, but everyone but them is speaking. They must be winding up for tomorrow and next week.

So, Windy Mindy still lives with her parents? She and Mopey Pete don’t live together? Smart choice. Is Mopey Pete still her fiancé in the combined Batiukverse? Not even Batty knows.¯\(ツ)/¯

Meanwhile, a*hole Best Actress Award Winner Les Moore, the person who made this all possible, is snug in his bed sound asleep.

There is no justice in the Batiukverse.

Make America Think Again

If Lillian failed to read all of the warning signs of living near Cranky, the store would have perished.

She protected her store with asbestos siding,

Tom your ultra liberal is showing again

Wow, I got excited when I saw the barrage or words and balloons, with Ed right there. Was wondering what he would contribute. Alas, he didn’t even get to speak one word again today. So sad, relegated to a handful of appearances per month with no lines. In his own strip!

And what’s with the crappy fire department? They left with the “rubble” still smoldering? Smokey the Bear is very disappointed.

Still no police? Maybe they don’t like those books either

Just look at how many times the Qur’an has been burned because the caliph coming into power didn’t like what the previous caliph wrote.

Fortunately, the fire trucks in this town spray water and not kerosene.