Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for September 15, 2024

Yes, dear

Duck!

“No dear, i’s just that Spandex hasn’t kept up with your progress.”

As a rule, I don’t like fat jokes.

This one’s no exception.

Being a woman over 50, there is something about this that i do not like. Come to think of it, i didnt like things like this when i was 25. But it doesnt matter because i actually do not care anymore what men think hahahaha

Spandex should be outlawed. Looking around, I notice that abuse is rampant.

Spouse doesn’t trap me like that… usually. Because I’ve trained her over decades that my sense of style is worse than Charlie Brown’s. In fact, when we go someplace where she cares what I look like, she picks my clothes for me because otherwise I’ll show up in blue jeans and a tee shirt (the one at the top of the stack) with white comfy socks and Crocks. Add a vest if it’s cool and jacket too if it’s cold… and per dermatologist orders, always a wide brim hat unless it’s so cold that my watch cap is needed to keep my ears from freezing or it’s after dark.

I had a cat that would lay on my lower legs like that … but only when the other cat had already settled in my lap.

Well dear, we know that you would just tell me I’m too old and fat to dress like that. If you are going to pass judgement on others, be prepared to pass judgement on yourself. That’s all I have to say.

The answer you want to a QUESTION LIKE THAT IS NO always no

“Um.. They just don’t make Spandex the way they used to make it. That’s it!”

Next to the atom bomb, Spandex is Man’s worse invention!!!

Run, dummy……RUN!!!

You’re not too old and fat. You look good to me and you should wear what makes you feel good.

You’re a dead man no matter what you say…..or don’t say.

“Oh, sweet honey mustard …” shoulda coulda been his thought bubble in the second, or even the first, panel.

We established a pattern early. I only tell my wife the truth in answer to such questions. For the most part she doesn’t ask my opinion because she doesn’t care what it is. On those rare occasions when she wants the truth she knows I’ll tell her…

Well, if not truth in an absolute sense, but I’ll give my honest opinion.

“What is ‘Truth?” Said Pontious Pilate, and did not stay for an answer.

These days everyone wears anything they want. Some summer days it looks like most folks decided to forgo actual clothing and just wear their underwear everywhere.

Turn that question in Him: “Honey- should I wear my belt/pants below or above this gut?”

After three, I’ve learned to say a sincere compliment when my spouse wears a color that looks good on her.

“Its a trap!”

There is only correct answer but it is not always the one you can live by.

Dear, with spandex, if you have to ask, it’s too late, so don’t ask.

Maybe he can get away with the truly honest answer that NEITHER of them should wear spandex.

When a woman wants an honest opinion on clothing she ask another woman or a gay male.

“No dear. The sack full of marbles and doorknobs is a wonderful look. I wish everyone did it”

Danger, Will Robinson!

Winner!!!

Good answer, Ed. Women who ask this kind of question are either completely stupid or spoiling for a fight.

What I can’t figure is the change in average human self-awareness. Other than at a gym, it’s a rare figure that can handle spandex well. Difficult not to notice the difference.

From the look on his face I’d say it’s not his first rodeo.

I HATE when women ask us those types of trick questions because they get upset when you tell them the truth! To me, the only to stop that is to have your wife or girlfriend tell her NOT to ask you that!! And if she gets an attitude, then oh well!

“As long as you can get those hips through the doorway, you’re OK with me.” Ed then makes a run for it.

One of the things about growing older is you don’t have to worry about what people think of what you wear or how you look. Once you’ve retired or gone gray, you don’t have to wear suits, ties, heels [I quit wearing them after my wedding], etc. You don’t have to pay attention to fashion fads. You can dress to please yourself. For most of the world, you’re invisible — just one of the many eccentric oldsters that wander in and out. Your family and friends should know you well enough not to care.

Ummm… ‘Little bit, but I kind of like that.’ By the way, oversized sweaters on in season at Mumu Lemon.

Makes one wonder why any of y’alls got married in the first place. You certainly don’t seem to enjoy it.

There should be a federal law mandating a maximum size in which spandex garments are allowed to be made.

Panel 2 thought bubble: “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!”

If you have to ask…

Great deer in the headlights look!!

This reminds me of some questions I’ve been asked at a job interview. “Here’s the gun. Let’s play Russian Roulette. Spin the chamber, point it at your head and pull the trigger. Oh, did we mention ALL the chambers contain live bullets.”

Missed a great chance to pull a Redd Foxx and fake heart attack.

Whenever I say or do the wrong thing I rescue myself with, "I’m sorry honey, you were right I was wrong, it won’t happen again…{and then under my breath,} until the next time.

I’m a 64-year-old woman and I will continue to wear spandex leggings because they are comfortable. As long as I can find big, long shirts that extend to my knees.

apparently not, the sleeve on her right arm still has plenty of room to fill.

Wear what makes you comfortable.

No, it is not the outfit that makes you look fat, dear.

Spandex: It’s a privilege, not a right. That’s my understanding.

In Shop Around the Corner, every time the owner asks for an “honest opinion” the smartest employee in the shop disappears faster than green grass through a goose.

Spandex is too old style to suit you, dear. You deserve something better.

Reminds me of the film, "The Amazing Colossal Man’ where the clothes he wore expanded as he got bigger. Army ingenuity

Spandex should only be worn in a gym, yoga class or on a bicycle.

If you have to ask a question like this. Then the answer is probably Yes.

Yep … Some questions should never be asked, or answered … ;)

Life insurance premiums all paid up l presume……

At least he was honest.

“Oh, Sweet Honey Mustard,” inserted into all future conversations with anyone…

If you have to ask that question, you already know the answer.

Oooh. There is a limit to spandex’s elasticity.

Let’s face it. Most women should never wear spandex, at any age.

I’m a man and have always been well padded. Some might say Rubenesque. That said, if you have any self respect, after a certain point, no you do not get to, should not wear certain things. Lizzo? Give me a break. And by all that is holy, give the stretch pants a break, that thread can only take so much pressure.

I’m pretty no one would want to see Ed in a Speedo either.

Made me laugh. “Oh, sweet honey mustard …”

Looks good dear….a true Walmart fashionista!

To quote Adam Sandler: from behind she looks like an ice cream cone

I never ask any man if something looks good on me. I’m an intelligent woman who can determine that for myself. Additionally, I wouldn’t tolerate a man dictating what I can or cannot wear.

Um. I thought girdles, for the “fat,” are made of spandex?

Some people wear spandex like a Tamale that was wrapped too tightly.

“Does this question make me look fat?”

Just ask for the black pill now.

I just Laughed Out Loud on that one! Surviving marriage is learning when to be silent.

My wife would not wear them, but I would and do tell her if I do not care for the look of what she is wearing.

Fake a seizure!

Yes, and your butts too big too! Ask a stupid question….. ;-)

I will confess to my ignorance of spandex, but isn’t the point that it’s supposed to expand to still cover whatever’s within it?

If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.

I never lie to my wife if she asks me that type of question. She wants to look nice so I help her. She never gets mad, she just changes her clothes. Married 42 years and counting.

There are some questions that simply can’t be answered.

I just kept laughing and laughing! My daughter and her boyfriend wanted to know what was so hilarious! hahahahahaha!!!!

“Edna, it’s not the spandex that makes you look fat. It’s the fat that makes you look fat.”—Paraphrasing Al Bundy.

first thought…in first panel….. for all to remember…….. ……….IT’S A TRAP….. !

It does have a bursting point.

I don’t have this problem: My wife is 51, and could easily pass for 31.

next comic strip will be “with Edna” only…

i hope you’re not too old, I’m wearing them too!

This cartoon is Lula Approved!

The only acceptable answer is “Never, dear – you look great in Spandex”.

Of course.

But is Spandex comfortable? It seems to me that it wouldn’t be – but I like loose fitting clothing.

“‘Gotten’? No, no, I think I can truthfully say you haven’t gotten too old and fat to wear Spandex…”

“Dear, No one should ever wear spandex. It was made to make everyone feel fat and then pay for a gym they don’t go to.”

My wife has almost given up asking me questions like this, because my instinctive instant reaction is a firm and forecful “no!”

“And that’s when I hit him with the rolling pin, Your Honor.”

Dead either way you reply! If you have to ask if you can do spandex, the answer is a loud no.

It will never stop flashing.