Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 16, 2021

Just when I needed my pun fix! Thank you, Joe Biden!

I say, I say, I say. My dog has no nose.

Still the funniest PBS strip in a while

Ouch.

It doesn’t work. Without Rat saying something obnoxious, it’s not funny.

The Aristocrats!

Ummm…is Steve lazy? Or suffering writer’s block?

Just the punch line. “Four boars and seven squeals ago.” Ha Ha Ha.

1. “Is it true you became a doctor?”

2. “Yeah. I performed an operation just yesterday.”

3. “Really? What for?”

4. “Twelve hundred dollars.”

5. “I mean, what did the patient have?”

6. “Eleven hundred dollars.”

7. “I mean, what was his problem?”

8. “The other hundred dollars.”

When you delete all the useless stuff from a political speech, you end up with this.

Chris Mann does a great parody song about the supply chain and Christmas.https://youtu.be/F6FIibNgI44

Monty did a week of this not long ago.

I’m speechless

Monty ran a joke supply chain series a little while ago. It finished on December 2nd. https://www.gocomics.com/monty/2021/12/02?ct=v&cti=649237

Pastis must actually have written this before the Monty strips were published, of course.

Show of hands, who filled in the speech bubbles with derogatory remarks about Pastis?

Why are those speechless bubbles so … ROUND?

coming up with dialogue is not as easy as it looks. I got nothing.

A priest, a rabbi and a Great Dane go into a bar…

.

.

.

.

…so the Great Dane said: “In that case, make mine a double.”

Ah, DIY comic today. I was feeling a bit bored.

Balloons ………..1. What is happening?2. Stephan is shock3. Why?4. He cannot believe people are gonna fill in the balloons themselves5. Surely, he cannot get away with that.6. He is trying it anyway.7. He must think people are really stupid8. Go figure!!!!!!!!

Rat: I can’t believe we’re doing this! Pig: Doing what? Rat: Being fed jokes by a humorless substitute nitwit. Pig: I don’t know, it’s not that bad really. Rat: What, are you crazy?? What stupid font is this anyway? Pig: You’re just jealous cuz I get some cool lines for once. Rat: I’ll never live this travesty down! Pig: I wonder if Steph would like a nice long vacation…

Panel 1, Rat: I’m going to check the mailbox

Pig: Why, are you expecting something?

Panel 2: Rat: No, I just enjoy getting mail.

Pig: In that case, go right ahead.

Panel 3, Rat: You already checked it didn’t you?

Pig: No. I wouldn’t want to take DeJoy out of your day

Panel 4, Rat: No big deal, it’s usually addressed to Pastis anyway

Pig: and postage due…

So, you outsourced the dialogue of your own comic? You couldn’t be bothered to have some sort of backup plan?

Rat: I feel kind of grey today.Pig: Is that so? I feel like I’m in the pink.

Q: What’s the best gift for a vegetarian who eats fish?A: A dictionary.

He’ll be asking us to draw it next.

Monty did this shtick already .

I’m speechless!!

Your humor is imported? Well who would have thought that.

Pig says, “What do you think?” Then rat says, “You really want to know?” : Pig, “sure.” Rat,“I’ll bet.” : Pig, “come on, tell me.” Rat, “Why?” : Pig, “I want to know.” (are your ready for this?) Rat says, “I’m drawing a blank.” (Whew! That took a lot out of me.)

Who translates it from the original Chinese for Pastis?

Why could they not save the hippy from drowning in the lake? He was too far out man!

1. RAT Heyy! Looks our characters have nothing to say today

PIG As long as we have something to drink I’m OK with that (burp!)

2.RAT So, you “Enjoy the Silence”?

PIG Why not! At least it’s no “Violator”

3.RAT You want to imply that I’m not always “Playing the Angel”?

PIG I would be an imp lying to say that’s not your “Spirit”

4. RAT What exactely is in your cup, ya say?

PIG Buuurp!

.

Just recycle a joke like you usually do

Here’s a joke: What do you call a Pearls comic without jokes? Redundant.

Panel 1.

…

RAT : No puns today, Pig. What happened to Pastis?

PIG : He got quarentined because of the pundemic. He can’t comes here.

 

Panel 2

…

RAT : Say, why don’t we asks that PunGent Bear over there to make some puns for us?

PIG : But his puns stink so bad they’re unBearably PunGent.

 

Panel 3

…

RAT : How is that any different than the puns we usually have here?

PIG : Well… Ha ha! Yeah. You got a point there, Rat.

 

Panel 4

…

RAT : We’ll have to order lotsa foods and picanic baskets to pay the Bear for his services. How can we do that with all these supply chain issues here?

PIG : Well…. Rats! Woe is we!

This used to be one of my favorite comic strips.

pig in last panel – well, i hadn’t thought of that way before…

Actually, the supply chain trailers are not all overseas. Thousands are stacked atop each other in ports in LongBeach and others, right here in the good old USA.

(Panel 1) Rat: asks Pig a deep, meaningful question-Pig: cheese- (Panel 2) Rat: goes into more detail with his deep, meaningful question-Pig: cheese- (Panel 3) Rat: explains in full detail the true meaning of his deep, meaningful question, trying his best to make Pig understand it- Pig: cheese (Panel 4) Rat: nevermind- Pig: cheese

But I don’t have any patience!

I see the last panel is basically the same as the first. You could just continue this by running it in a loop – just repeating panels 1, 2, and 3 over and over …

And there’s the problem with outsourcing everything over seas. It’s cheaper and it shows.

Your late on this pun cycle. Monty’s strip did this weeks ago.

First panel …. Rat asks Pig if he just farted … You may fill in the rest of the panels ;-)

It’s ok. Them foreign jokes weren’t that great anyway!

“Where is he?”“Don’t know; should be here by now.”“What’re we gonna do?”“Just wait, I guess?”“You think he forgot to set his alarm?”“Does he know what an alarm is?”“I got up early for this.”“I washed my hair.”

Monty already did the supply chain gag. Gotta hate when you are beat to the punchline.

Monty recently made similar jokes.

I saw Richard Nixon the other day at a magic shop… I find that hard to believe. Why’s that? He’s been dead for years.Is that so? YesSo you’re saying I didn’t see… Don’t say it. … Tricky Dick

R: Do you see the elf down at the end of the bar? P: Yes. He looks so sad. R: I noticed that. So I asked him what was wrong? P: What did he say? R: He said, “I’m not Happy”. So I asked him, “Then which one are you?” P: ??? R: He didn’t get it either. P: Now I am sad.

Translation: the comic censors shut him down. 8^)

Last frame: “Well, this sucks” “Yeah, but at least we got thru this without any of Stefan’s awful puns” :-)

Monty did this two weeks ago…

Stop using cheap Chinese jokes and your supply issues will clear up immediately

This is too funny! good one! LMAO

I have no words.

Mahna Mahna

Do doo be-do-do

Mahna Mahna

Do do-do do

Mahna Mahna

Do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

Mahna Mahna

Do doo be-do-do

I didn’t expect Pastis to have his jokefabrication outsourced overseas. I wonder where that is. Can’t be UK, their sense of funny would invoke Comic Strip Censor way more often.

knock, knock; who’s there?; isabelle; isabell who?; isabelle necessary on a bike?; why is isabelle necessary on a bike?; ??###$; what? just asking;

That means Stephan is not a local product.

Rat: Weren’t you telling me about a guy who was born without a body.

Pig: Yep, no torso or arms or legs. Just a head.

Rat: But they found a body donor, right?

Pig: They did! He was very happy to finally have a body of his own.

Rat: Did he live happily ever after?

Pig: No, he got so excited he ran in front of a car and got killed.

Rat: He should have quit while he was ahead.

Pig: He would’ve had a great career as a bowling ball.

Ripping off from Monty? …See https://www.gocomics.com/monty/2021/11/28 and following

Rat: Here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.

Pig: Why a duck?

Rat: I’m alright, how are you? I say, here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.

Pig: Alright, why a duck? Why a no chicken?

Rat: Well, I don’t know why a no chicken; I’m a stranger here myself. All I know is that it’s a viaduct. You try to cross over there a chicken and you’ll find out why a duck. It’s deep water, that’s why a duck. It’s deep water.

Pig: That’s why a duck…

Rat: Look, suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to that stream and you wanted to ford over. You couldn’t make it, it’s too deep!

Pig: Well, why do you want with a Ford if you gotta horse?

Frame #1; Rat:“I knew this day would come”. Frame #1; Pig: “Me too, Thursday always comes after Wednesday”.Frame #2; Rat: “No, I mean that after Steve changed hisname”. Frame #2; Pig: " Steve changed his name, To what"? Frame#3; Rat: "Count “No-Joke-U-La”, he couldn’t see his reflection in the mirror". Frame #4; Rat:“This supply chain scam is just a way of Steve making atransition to another career”. Frame #4; Pig: " I’m glad I’m vaccinated so I can get another “Jab”, I mean job!

Nice going Pastis. Stealing Meddick’s routine.

This was used in Monty, a week or more ago.

I think I got it. Maybe a bit wordy.Sorry I went political, but ….

1 – What happened to that town? / It was flattened by a tornado.

2 – Oh yeah, I saw that news. Where was it? / Kentucky really got hit hard.

3 – Uh-oh. One of their Senators is Rand Paul and he always votes against disaster relief. The poor Kentuckians are screwed. / Ha! He already asked President Biden for money and help.

4 – Do you think any of them ever feel the irony of their playing politics with the lives of Americans? / I don’t think you can feel irony when you have no empathy.

Sorry, Pastis. Already been done by “Monty”.

Okay, I filled in all the balloons and the joke offends me.

RAT: Not sure I like the Christmas tree there to my right.

PIG: Looks all right to me.

RAT: I think it would look better here to the left.

PIG: Left is all right.

RAT: You’re not even looking.

PIG: I’m all right with a right tree that’s left.

RAT: I think someone spiked your tea.

PIG: No spikes…just vodka.

I thought Amtrak Brandon was going to deliver all those containers with his 18-wheeler.

Probably Stephan’s best work ever!

Pig: Hey rat. Knock knock.Rat: Who’s there?Pig: Candies.Rat: Candies who?Pig: Candies nuts fit in your mouth.Rat: Literally worse joke I’ve ever seen.Pig: Awwww…Rat: Your future as a comedian is about as probable as my future as an optimist.

There are often no jokes in this comic. You think this is bad, wait until January

Long setup. Stupid pun. Threaten author.

Sorry, but another cartoonist already used that excuse.

Wow, the most literate, well-written strip Pastis ever created! Signed – Rat.

All right, I’m filling in. 1. “Deck the halls!” “I only have the one.” 2. “All right. Use one bough.” “Did you spell that right?” 3. “I’m not writing. I’m talking!” “Did you ever see a dog say ‘bough-wough’?” 4. “I’ll be glad when the real jokes come.” 5. “And hough.”

thank you all for filling in the bubbles for me!

It is time to cancel all orders from “overseas” and get back to making our own stuff right here. It will take a while but we can do it. What fools we’ve been!

Could have borrowed some old dialogue from Queen Vic and Prince Albert over at NAoQV.

They are missing the last panel where they tell Stephan, “He sucks at cartooning”.

“Why are you following me around?”

“Why are you following me around?”

“And why are you repeating everything I say?”

“And why are you repeating everything I say?”

“Quit it.”

“Quit it.”

“I’m an ugly little maggot with lumpy gravy for brains!”

“At least you have the courage to admit it.”

I’ll bite: Do you see that Chinese dragon statue over there? The one from the Ming Dynasty?That’s not from the Ming Dynasty!How do you know?See the lips?YesThey are made of aluminum not gold so it is faux Ming at the mouth.

I used this approach once graphically … Years ago! …

Let the creativity of others shine !!! … :)

You’re supposed to ship the words and their balloons in the same container.

Rat – “What are the names of the baseball players?”

Pig – “Whos on first, Whats on second, and IDontKnows on third.”

Rat – “That is what I’m trying to find out. The names of the players.”

Pig – “I just told you.”

Rat – “No you didn’t. You said ‘Whos on first’. Do you know the name of the player on first?”

Pig – “Who.”

Rat – “THE PLAYER ON FIRST! WHAT IS HIS NAME?”

Pig – “I just TOLD you. WHO!”

Late to the party, Pastis. All the other strips have already done this joke.

I draw a blank on this one.

I want a refund! Oh yeah, I don’t pay for this.

No nose is good nose.

This also explains the level of weak jokes in the past :)

Rat: That stupid Pastis outsourced his joke supply. Pig: Helping the poor in China. Rat: Why do we care about that. Pig: a kid has a full bowl of rice. Rat: how does that help us? Pig: Pastis isn’t making puns. Rat: you might be onto something Pig: Im going to eat some cheese

Steph, get your ass back to work. No More Slacking!

What a relief, I was afraid the writer’s humor was typical American.

TOO SOON!!!

Not stuck, but held back so prices could rise even higher.

“Ramble, ramble, ramble, bad pun.” There, did I get it right?

The situation is so bad that even containers in your apps are stuck overseas.

You don’t say…

I get my comics electronically. Would be nice on days like this to be able to print it…

For all those who claim Pastis ripped this one off from Monty ( whoever that is) here is the explanation:

Monty’s shipping container was opened before Pastis’ shipping container. Pastis was told his jokes would arrive three weeks ago, but they got delayed even more than expected.

This is when Stephan Pastis is at his best, making fun of the comic strip medium itself. I love it!

That is strip template #161, an oft used favorite and regular source of laughs and income. Use it like Karaoke; keep drinking until you think it is funny and then go to bed.

Rat: Have you finished your Christmas shopping? Pig: Almost. I just have to get you something. Rat: You’re gonna get me something? Pig: Sure. Why not? Rat: After all the things I’ve done to you? Pig: It’s Christmas, buddy! Rat: I do not deserve you. Pig: How big should I write the check?

I mean, that’s pretty much all of the Pearls vs Swine jokes anyway.. what’s missing is one character having left at the end ruminating about something. Would be funny if at the end there was a random character all alone not saying anything, like a croc, or the little guard duck.

They have the same problem “Monty” has two weeks ago. A true disgrace!

The Monty comic strip already did this joke a week or two ago, but they are prepared quite long in advance, so Pastis couldn’t know.

“-————————————————————-.”

This has been overdone in other strips.

Okay, now this supply chain stuff has gone too far.

Why doesn’t Pastis get some jokes from Amazon. I have noticed empty shelves at stores but when I check with Amazon, no shortages there. I find that curious

Stephan Pastis, I’m going to sue you for deficiency of service.

R: I bought my girlfriend a map and a dart P: I thought you were taking her on vacation.. R: I am. I taped the map to the wall and told her we’d go wherever she hit with the dart. P: And did she? R: Yes. P: So where are you going? R: We’ll be behind the fridge. P: Well, at least it’s warm there.

What did Santa say when propositioned by three hookers?

1-RAT: I loathe Santa! PIG: How come?

2-RAT: He doesn’t put a seconds’ thought into the gifts he brings me. PIG: That’s odd. He knows exactly what I want every year.

3-RAT: Yeah? What’s that? PIG: Cheese!

4-RAT: That’s what he thinks I want too – the stereotyping, FAT PIG.

PIG: I feel like I should be offended but that might jeopardize my chances of you giving me your cheese.

OK, so it won’t fit in the balloons. Gimme credit for using Stephan’s cheese go-to at least!

I got todays dialogue airmailed so, enjoy:

When do you think the Dialogue will arrive? … Soon I hope.

I understand we are behind Wallace the Brave and Hi and Lois… Well, they’re funnier than we are.

Do you think it will arrive before Christmas? … Oh, wow. Maybe Santa will bring them!!

He’s got enough to worry about; world peace and all that stuff…. It’s probably just some dumb pun anyway. Our readers are better off without today’s gag.

Supply chain is not funny here. Was at the store yesterday, and mostly might as well have stayed home. Waste of time. You are not helping us here, Stephan. You are supposed to make us laugh. :(

Mine would all be from Letterkenny and get flagged as inappropriate.

Too clever for words…literally.

Wow, now there is a strip even I could publish. On second thought I’d probably need an illustrator

I would hope this comic is guaranteed not to offend anyone! LOL

Please use a #2 pencil and fill in the bubble completely

“Who’s the guy on first base”. “Right”

1. Who are those people who just came in?2. That is Monty and Gerri Hall.3. But they brought their dog in here!4. Yes, that’s their rambunctious hound, Folly.5. That’s very upsetting! No dogs allowed!6. Ha! What are you going to do about it – punch them?!7. Hmm… Deck the Halls with bowser Folly…8. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Now Rat can be truly filthy!

“Spoon!” [for each one]

1. “Deck the halls!”“I only have the one.”2. “All right. Use one bough.”“Did you spell that right?”3. “I’m not writing. I’m talking!”“Did you ever hear a dog say ‘bough-wough’?”4. “I’ll be glad when the real jokes come.”5. “And hough.”

These guys are terrible mimes.

who’s on first? ….

Pig: I woke last night wondering where the sun goes at night.

Rat: Really? Could you get back to sleep?

Pig: No. So I went out on the roof to think about it.

Rat: Did you figure it out?

Pig: I sat there and thought and thought about it. Where does the sun go at night?

Rat: All night long.

Pig: Yes. Then it dawned on me.

Rat: …… I’m going to get a bat and practice hitting home runs with Pastis’ head.

Not much different from usual. One plus, it’s pun free.

I hope he gets paid by the word for this one.

I hope he gets paid by the word for this one.

This is my attempt:https://imgur.com/a/zNKy2k5

Monty got there first

wait Stephan, you copied this from the Monty comic strip…booo!!

“I have laryngitis”

“What did you say?”

repeat x4

love it!

I can’t put what I want to say in the bubbles It wouldn’t make it past the sensors

Your strip of the year, Mr. Pastis. My hat is off to you.

I can’t help but feel like Rat would point out that it’s not much different from yesterday’s strip, then.

what the hell is this?pastis got lazyisn’t this the same joke as the monty strip from a few days agoyeah, he rips everyone offsomeone should kick him in the Oompa LoompasI’ll do it!So how did it go?His Oompa Loompas are very hard to find

Jim Meddick did a “supply chain issues cause lack of jokes” arc a week or two (or 3) back. It was more worked out, though, whereas Cartoon-Boy seems to be doing a one-off here….

Rat: I hear Pastis couldn’t come up with our dialogue today. Pig: Don’t worry, I’m sure his fans will be able to provide some scintillating repartee.

Rat: Wait, you don’t talk like that.Pig: My dear Rat, indubitably I do, for at this very moment I am being my normal loquacious self.

Rat: Please go back to normal. Pig: I love cheese!

Rat: Some of this dialogue would never fit in our word bubbles. Pastis better get back on the ball. Pig: For some reason I want to talk about smelly feet and running noses.

Pearls is one of my favourites, but this is sad. Lame plagiarism. MONTY milked this idea for almost a week:

https://www.gocomics.com/monty/2021/11/28

Stephan! If you wanted to take the day off, you could have just used a rerun from last year! Sheesh!!!!!

Pastis says nothing at all, and gets the most comments ever!

Rat:“Monty did something like this already.” Pig:“Did you say, ‘Monty’?” Rat:“Yes, Monty.” Pig:“Monty……….huh………….who woulda’ thunk?” Rat: “Yep” Pig: “Yup” Rat:“Not sure what I think about Monty.” Pig: “Yup”

Jokes were probably depressing anyways.

I can relate. My “global express” parcel is stuck overseas either – shipped from Elk Groove Village on Dec 6th, is stuck in Chicago since Dec 7th.

What next, Mad Libs?

This should have been a contest!

Pastis is waiting for a shipment of cheap, mass-produced Chinese puns.

Too true to be funny. Booooo.

Your funniest dialog ever, Pastis.

Joke joke joke! Joke joke? Joke. Joooookeee… joke jokety jokey joke joke. Joke joke! Joke joke punchline. End joke.

Funnier than normal ;) but seriously though