Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for December 13, 2023

“But what if the ER doctors ask why I’m so sick?”“Oh pish and tosh! No one who tastes them is in any shape to talk!”

I call shenanigans. No way can Lizard Lil touch a consecrated object without bursting into flames.

Ah Sucks, you could of dragged a recipe out for a week of strips

The recipe probably was taken from an old church ladies cookbook.

Such a closely-guarded secret must have huge potential to be weaponized.

She inserted the recipe in the Book of Rum.

“I, Hannah or whoever, do swear!” “HA!” Lillian barks as she yanks the book away. “You swore on—the EVIL ONE’S BIBLE!” Hannah blinks. “The…Yellow Pages? No! You mean the DEVIL ONE!” Hannah or Mindy’s eyes turn red, as they do in bad Exorcist ripoffs. “YESssss—LILITH, we must kill them ALL!” CRANKSHAFT: “Aw, she’s got her father’s eyes!”

Tomorrow: Just insert any “needlessly convoluted top-secret storage of everyday item” joke one can borrow from, say, “Codename: Kids Next Door,” “Get Smart,” “The Jack Benny Show,” the Austin Powers or Matt Helm movies, or the Bush’s Baked Beans TV commercials. And you can bet Batiuk will be doing this all week.

Deranged Grandma: “You must swear on the holy book!" HANNAH, with a mild smirk: “Y’okay!” ME: “Uhh…” (slowly backs away towards exit, grabs a kitchen knife just in case)

the Holy Book for cooking is NOT the bible. it’s Joy of Cooking, 1970s edition (up to 1975)

I now get why people loathe her.

What is it about people who guard recipes the way the New World Order guards the cure for cancer?

Take off your hat. Now raise your right hand. Now place your left hand here……..

Must be a valley on the cover of that Bible, as many people have asked for it.

“and now I can tell you. The secret ingredient is black tar heroin. I keep that in the safe also, for obvious reasons.”

Not.

After a few rum balls the oath won’t matter…

Never mind, I’ll find my own recipe on the ’net.

Next week: Ed’s tangled Christmas lights.

Old fashion but works…….could have used “scouts honor” or " cross your heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye"!!!!!

“The secret ingredient is … rum!”

Tomorrow—Laurel&Hardy in BLOTTO

…a serious commitment…

INGREDIENTS

3+ cups (311 g) vanilla wafers (a whole box of Nilla wafers)

1 cup (120 g) confectioners’ sugar (plus more for rolling)

2 tablespoons (10 g) cocoa powder

2 tablespoons (44 g) white corn syrup

1/3 cup (74 g) rum, plus more as needed

INSTRUCTIONS:Place vanilla wafers in a food processor and pulse into fine crumbs. There might be a few large pieces that don’t catch the blade at this step, but they’ll eventually end up getting pulverized, so don’t worry. (Alternatively, place vanilla wafers into a Ziploc bag and bash them with a rolling pin until they are fine pieces).

Add confectioners’ sugar, cocoa and corn syrup and pulse till combined. Add the 1/3 cup rum and pulse to combine. If necessary, slowly add more rum to the food processor until the mixture comes together and forms a mass around the blade or holds together when you pinch it.

Using a teaspoon or a #100 scoop, scoop out balls from the processor, roll them gently with your hands to form balls, then drop them onto a plate (or shallow tupperware) filled with a thin layer of powdered sugar. Shake the vessel to coat the balls, then transfer the balls to an airtight storage container until you are ready to serve them. Store at room temperature for up to a week or freeze for up to 3 months. Bring to room temperature briefly before serving.

.

FYI I had my fingers crossed when I swore my oath not to tell. Now the secret is out, can we get back to the main story line, such that it is?

why doesnt she just say if i told you the secret id have to kill you

hey old lady everythings better with bluebonnet on it i dont need the recipe

Where’s Crankshaft?

She could just leave…

“OK. Now that you’ve sworn silence… [Looks around furtively] …The secret ingredient is… RUM!”

“Why do I have to place my hand on the Bible?”

“To receive Last Rites before you consume my toxic rum balls. Obviously.”

And do the hokey pokey

I make almond crescent cookies that are to die for. Everyone who’s tasted them goes bonkers over them! I have to admit, I eat a lot of them myself!! I share the recipe if someone wants it.

Adorable old ladies are funny anywhere — even if Crankshaft isn’t around — he’s nearby

When my Italian Nonna passed away she left her recipes to my aunt Sharon. Sharon believed in spreading the wealth and made copies of everything and mailed them out to everyone who wanted them. MMMMM. My Scottish MIL loves that “Special Eggplant Lasagna” and the “Chook Parm”. (Chicken Parmesan). Because I use linguini and a garlic and mushroom sauce. And lots of parm. Lots of parm.

The Secret is that she lost the Recipe years ago, so she just Wings it.

Take Vanilla wafers, rum, cocoa powder, syrup, and confectioners’ sugar.

Crush the Vanilla wafers into powder. Mix everything together in a large bowl until it all sticks together.

Form into golf ball size balls, roll in a bit more confectioner’s sugar.

Stick them into the refrigerator until time to pig out on them.

Haha! (＾▽＾)