Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for October 08, 2024

It’s a good thing those picket signs have all those sticks. They can double as canes for this lame, limping story.

“There’s gonna be some trouble tonight! A very Royal Rumble, that’s right!”

By the by, where’s the lighting coming from for all those signs to be clearly read in the middle of the night outdoors? The only illumination was a single bulb over the staircase of Lizard Lil’s garage. And who’s the gal in the green dress hidden by DSH John’s sign?

Call the police!

Each of you may remove a copy of the book if any one of you can pass though our reCAPTCHA authentication system

I’m wondering if Batiuk got this idea from the neighborhood anti-racist demonstrators who confronted the travelling racists in England.

“.Want it gone from your store..” What? WHAAAT?

So now this not about not having book in school syllabus? And what does they means gone from “YOUR” store? What is use of book is gone from one particular store when it is easily available everywhere else on this planet? It’s called going?

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Free People? You means like there is Paid Peoples too? “LOL”

And what Free People you is talking of anyways? You is means to free all them peoples in jails and prisons? Which other people is not free here now? These is all looks quite free to me as they is all is doing what ever they is wants to be doing.

Read Freely? You is means no more paying money for books? Well me is likes that idea as me can bearly affords to buyings much books. “LOL”

And what Read Freely anyways? That book they want to goes away from this one particular bookstore is available everywhere else anyways. Nobody is restriction anyone from reading it. Just not part of one school’s syllabus that is all, which you knows if you been paying attention to this “story line” since this begin.

What is goal of protesting mob? To removes one particular book in a particular bookstore? When it easily available everywhere else? “LOL”

What was goal of burning two bottom stairs then? “LOL”. And nobody is calls the cops too. Even after this placards mob is shows up soon after. “LOL”

What is point of placard protests in middle of night when everyone else is sleeping? That too, now it is done by two groups. “LOL”

Why and how Les Moore could set this book for syllabus even whem school board was set some other book? Does one man has more power and control over that school? And nobody ever say anything or protest against him? Even when all this happen because of him in the first place? “LOL”

And why he brings this books here to another town to distributing it to his students when he coulda easily distributing them books to students there in his town itself in the first place? “LOL”.

Man there so many more corny contradictions and incoherent inconsistencies in this preposteridiculudicrous plot. “LOL”

This sure is the most convoluted funniest genius parody me has ever see. “LOL”. Kudos! Ya just gotta appreciating that!

And what’s that red sign over there? Ban Bans? What? What a oxymoron! “LOL”

Don’t they have any other neighbors? NObody else who lives around there has called the cops??

This story has the feel of a vapid amateur play. Any second now I expect the curtain to close and everyone to take a bow.

Announcer: “Tonight’s play was presented by the Batiuk players. Thank you for coming. Please drive safely.”

Lillian: “Oh, well. An actress is only as good as the material she’s given.”

As usual, Tom misses the point. Book bans aren’t banning books from stores, its related to presence in schools. He’s bending over backwards to make Lillian (canonically, a psychopathic monster) into a hero and doing his absolute best to confront nothing while claiming to be so brave.

I’m not going to comment on the absolutely idiotic way the Bat-Protesters arrived.

Holy Cow! Skip got out of bed. How come he’s not holding a sign with his right han… Oh sorry B̶e̶c̶k̶y̶ er Skip.

Glad Mopey Pete’s here to show us with his t-shirt the real reason for this arc.

P 3 (Lil): “… Moose…Rocco…escort them off the property please (giggle)…”

So, the MAGA mob is against the free enterprise system?

I’m glad Lillian has supporters.

Remember people: The Burnings canonically end bookstores and collapse society in the world for generations. The Burnings, which affected a portion of a staircase and small local bookstore which was completely insured. Maybe Tom does actually deserve an award for all this: The coveted Wettest Fart of 2024.

And the two sides break into the Drew Carey ABBA vs Rocky Horror rumble.

……give them all a free book!!!!

Another day where someone from the mob speaks and nobody can even say why they want the book to be removed from sale. They just do.

“Bad people are bad people because they’re bad”. The entire topic is trivialized if this is how one side of the argument is presented.

Here is a problem I have. In “Fahrenheit 451” they don’t burn specific books. They burn all books from the well known to the completely forgettable.

And the counter protesters paraphrase Nada: “We have come here to chew bubble gum and kick @ss. And we’re all out of bubble gum.”

(Nada, aka: Rowdy Roddy Piper in the move They Live)

Great! Mob fight!

Lillian had tried her best. She’d spoken to the crowd about tolerance, understanding, and the importance of reading Fahrenheit 451. She reminded them that sharing knowledge was how society grew. But the angry mob only grew louder, their faces red with fury. Just when it seemed hopeless, a second group arrived in support of Lillian and the book. They shouted: “Free People Read Freely!” “No Book Bans!”

The politician, hiding in the shadows, couldn’t take it anymore. His face twisted with rage as he stormed forward, shouting slanderous names at Lillian, waving his hands wildly like a madman. But just then, in the nearby flower bed, a little bee stirred. After a long day gathering nectar for the hive, the bee had no time for nonsense. The politician’s loud voice and wild gestures annoyed the little bee, who buzzed up, determined to teach him a lesson.

With a quick dart, the bee stung the politician right on the lips. The politician yelped and clutched his mouth, his words suddenly silenced. Before he could react, the bee stung him on the ear, leaving him half-deaf. The politician began swatting wildly at the air, looking like a crazed puppet, his swollen lips and ear puffing up comically.

The crowd watched in stunned silence until someone began laughing. Soon, the entire crowd was in stitches, pointing and laughing at the ridiculous sight of the politician stumbling around, his swollen face bouncing in the moonlight. But the bee wasn’t finished yet—it delivered one final sting to the politician’s behind, causing him to leap into the air. The crowd roared as the politician danced around, slapping his own bottom, trying to escape the relentless little bee.

And then, in a blur of swollen lips and sore behind, the politician ran—ran so fast that he bolted right out of town. The crowd, laughing so hard they cried, put down their signs. The protest was over. They went home, shaking their heads, still chuckling at the sight of the politician’s bee-induced retreat.

after truck tyler convinces lou to let mud murphy play he will negoitate with these knuckleheads to go home go to bed

Again, just ker-slhack the twelve gauge and tell ‘em run away before you run ‘em off.

The book banners need their kids to read LITTLE GOLDEN BOOKS to them…..

You don’t want to hear any more talk about that book? You started the talk. You end it. Go home. Read the book. Or, get someone to read it to you.

First, we need to BAN cartoonists that create comic strips that don’t meet our approval. Then we need to BAN people who leave negative comments. Then we need to BAN people who complain about people that leave negative comments. Present company excepted, of course.

Just a reminder: In all likelihood Lillian has been selling (OK, trying to sell) Fahrenheit 451 ever since she opened her store (in violation of all sorts of regulations, such as emergency exits), and no one cared. This protest started up because Les Moore decided to teach the book (in Westview, not Centerville), contrary to the policy of the school board. Of course, the story’s goalposts have been moved (contrary to all logic) so that now the protest demands a (meaningless) “ban” of the book itself rather than that Les be required to obey the rules. Will the mob demand that all bookstores stop selling it (including Amazon, etc.), that all libraries (public and private) remove it from their shelves, that the sheriff go from home to home confiscating all extant copies, and that anyone seen reading it be thrown in jail? Maybe, maybe not, doesn’t matter. What matters is that Lillian be allowed to shame the mob by lecturing them (from the book itself) about the virtues of the printed word. That’s the path to a Pulitzer, guaranteed!

Tom must be slipping into dementia and thinks it is still 1924.

“Hey Floyd, who are them weirdos not supportin’ us?”

“I seen some of ‘em. I’m shootin’ video and show it to Lord Dampnut’s Gestapo when he takes over in January.

Oh we got trouble/right here in River city/with a capitol T/ that rhymes with B/ and it stands for books

I hear strains of Clarence Clemmons’ saxophone.

“…there’s an opera on the turnpike, a ballet being fought out in the alley…”

Things are about to get ugly. Jungleland, indeed.

Protesters: We don’t want to hear anymore talk about that book. We just want it gone from your store.

Well, yeah. Patience. The copies of Fahrenheit 451 were transported to Lillian’s bookstore to be quickly and discretely handed out to the students. Best Actress Award Winner Les Moore already paid for them. The books will be gone from the store soon enough, after all the student’s retrieve their paid-for copies. These idiots don’t even know what they’re protesting.

Wouldn’t the protesters prefer that the books remain in the bookstore and not distributed to their kids?

Protesters: Yeah, we want that too. Wait… what? I’m confused.

This has got to be the dumbest mob on the face of the earth. If I weren’t already familiar with the flaws in Batty’s writing, I’d say this was satire.

It’s called “mobbing.”

Where’s Les?

There is a little irony (very little) here in that Les Moore is the only one against freedom. He wants to force people to read that crapper. If you want to read it of your own free will you can find it anywhere. The copies in this store have been stockpiled to force them on someone. And then wisely smirk about it.

Sept. 30—Ban the Booksmith!

Oct.2—No banned books in schools!

Oct. 4—Stop selling banned books!

Today—Remove the book from the Booksmith!

It’s funny because it’s so inept!

Kid “Mommy! where aw de bat kids?” Mom “Their moms told them they have to go home and put on their pajamas and get tucked in.”

The Cavalry arrived!

Oscar Wilde wrote in “The Picture of Dorian Gray,” ‘The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.’

Sheesh… this story sure is dragging on… might as well bring back Chad Jeremy