Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for September 05, 2024

“A curmudgeonly, nonagenarian school bus driver has had his eponymous comic strip stolen out from under him by a bunch of smirking characters from another, cancelled strip, and now the whole thing is collapsing under the weight of a pretentious ‘topical’ storyline! What do you know about it?”

Now, look, you all stop paying attention to Crankshaft, and see what happens? Crime goes up. Not a coincidence.

They’re on to you, Mr. Batiuk!

Why couldn’t he have an appropriate punny name, like Skip Towne?

It’s a crime to keep Ed out of his own comic strip.

Here’s the mystery: why do we keep coming back when we know they won’t let Cranky show up?

Ah yes of course. The mysterious mystery of the twisted neck murders. And they is all happen on Sundays.

Miles High, Justin Thyme, Randy Mann, Ted E. Bare, Fred Knott, Sandy Beaches, Tad Infinitum…

Not a comic-strip crime, but a real-life crime? Wow!

“I’m here to murder you”.

“Skip Rawlings, you say? And, uh, all that? Is that really who I am? Did you really need to remind me?”

Gad, what clunky dialogue in Panel Two.

Look up Tom Batiuk in Wikipedia, mentions time jumps on Funky says he did not time jump Crankshaft and says this, Crankshaft was never jumped, but he is shown in crossovers to suffer a rather painful retirement.

TB created Funky, then created Crankshaft on it, gave Crank own strip, cancel Funky, move Funky to Crank strip, few months will cancel thus strip. A complete life cycle from born to death.

At least they’re back in Centerville. (Oh my gosh it’s come to this.)

I hope the crime is not the selling of Fahrenheit 451 to children. I hope we are past banned books week.

That crime: the murder of Crankshaft by one Tom Batiuk. Also, this whole poorly constructed story is a crime against humanity.

How long has it been since we saw Crankshaft?

I miss Crankshaft!!!!

Lizard Lil: “Well, if it isn’t Skippy Rawdogger, the publisher-editor-reporter for the Centerville Sentinel…”

Skippy: “Is that who I am? Thanks for reminding me, Lil! See ya later!” (departs)

Lizard Lil, muttering: “Third time this week… Shame he can’t afford his dementia meds. Maybe I should subscribe to his ‘paper’ after all, just to keep him from stopping buy to find out who he is…” (goes back to her book)

Wanna bet that due to Batty’s Rules Of Writing Number 37 and 62, tomorrow Skippy will tell Lizard Lil all about how an angry mob burned down the BookSmeller store because they were providing a forbidden book to Les’s high school class? Remember, “tell, don’t show” and “any actual action takes place off screen.” It’s called WRITING!

We’re supposed to be at Montoni’s—-today is “National Cheese Pizza day”

Anybody noticed that “1984” and “Animal Farm” are pretty much the same book?

It’s just that kids can understand ANIMAL FARM a lot better

He kinda reminds me of Angela Lansbury’s character from Murder She Wrote. Except he’s a publisher-editor-reporter.

Ah. There is continuity. A reunion week for the most repulsive characters in the comics. I hope they saved room for Old Man Mozz from the Phantom.

Realistic dialog: “Hey Skip, what’s up?”

Les bought a few dozen copies of Farenheit 451 for his class but from a different local bookstore. What’s up with that?

Skip Rawlings: “Actually, I’m here about a real-life crime. IT’S A CRIME THAT A SEXY BEAST LIKE YOU IS STILL UNMARRIED! LILLIAN MCKENZIE, WILL YOU MARRY ME!”

My apologies to anyone eating breakfast.

pizza box monster filed a order of protection againest tommy boy if they can burn books whats next pizza boxes montoni ones for sure

Batyuk is getting desperate and is going to actively campaign in his only remaining comic strip.

Skip Rawlings: “Actually, I’m here about a real-life crime. IT’S A CRIME THAT TOM BATIUK HAS NEVER WON A PULITZER!"

My apologies to anyone eating breakfast.

Skip Rawlings: “Actually, I’m here about a real-life crime. HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF GROCERIES?"

My apologies to anyone eating store-brand cereal.

What is this, a midnight booty call? I doubt her firetrap of a bookstore is open as late as it’s depicted in P1. Go for it, Skip!

And of course, in Panel 2, in typical Batty Whack fashion, we absolutely, positively, have to be fully reminded for the umpteenth time that he is “Skip Rawlings…the Publisher-Editor-Reporter for the Centerville Sentinel”!

Any chance that the real-life crime is that Skippy uncovered the story that Lil willfully and maliciously destroyed her sister’s life? And he has decided to tackle it single-handed and bring long-delayed justice?

No, that won’t happen. It would actually be interesting and Batty doesn’t do interesting.

Is he looking for a book about John Darling? Who Was Murdered? Because he’s looking in a used book store. Or is it because kids are GASP! reading a book on the “not approved reading” list?

Is the “crime” the Sentinal is investigating Les’ work around of the school board’s ban on purchasing certain books?

Aw, @Tresspassers W beat me to it (great minds and all that), but since it’s the only thing I can think of about today’s nothingburger of a strip, I’m going to post my thought anyway.

Scenes we’d like to see (but never will):

Skip Rawlings: Actually, I’m here about a real-life crime. I found out about what you did. You destroyed your poor sister’s life by stealing a letter containing the marriage proposal from her boyfriend. The poor man entered the service during World War Two, thinking his marriage proposal was turned down. You ruined two lives with your selfishness. I’m going to expose you for what you did in ‘The Sentinel.’ People will discover what a truly vile person you are. You’re finished in this town, McKenzie!

Lillian was promoted from frequent Ed Crankshaft foil to author avatar several years ago. Batty would never do this to one of his prized characters. Yuck!

Skip: Y’see, I’m the one-armed man who killed Richard Kimble’s wife…

cue the dark ambient music with discordant overtones which, although broadly tonal, is inflected with chromatic and polytonal passages representing the archetypal example of a florid, melodramatic style without being interpreted as an overly heavy-handed metaphor within the context of the thematic material a bit on the frenetic and frantic side with interesting rhythmic devices which seem to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor utilizing a novel imaging technique known as positron emission tomography and the spontaneous nondenominational conceptions by expansively recontextualizing liminal narratives of colonic hydrotherapy with a twinge of giddiness and bilateral gynandromorph

Crankshaft must have left town- – - – -pretty soon he will leave my favorites!

Support your local independent bookstores!

Skip: IT’S YOU WHO’S THE CRIME! I’VE ALREADY SENT DICK TRACY TO KILL YOU!

(DT arrives and throws Lillian into a vat of battery acid and nitroglycerin, causing a massive explosion that Dick Tracy somehow survives but kills Lillian)