Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 25, 2023

Here’s another one nobody ever says:

Chicago pizza is better than NY pizza.

I guess Pig never saw “Little Shop of Horrors.”

That pairs well with white leather jackets

Happen when Christian Szell is your dentist.

At least Pig is not seeing Dentist the Menace.

I thought he’d see Dr. Doolittle

Make it at the dentist’s favorite time…tooth-hurty (you gotta say it out loud)

Pig is off to see the President the wonderful President of Oz,

Pig hears he is a whiz of screwing the middle class, If ever a wiz there was …

Going to Texas to get some vegan food.

I always enjoy my trips to the dentist! Also, anytime I go for major surgery. I make it a point to do this. In fact, when the ambulance came to take my mother to the hospital last year, I told her to have fun and make friends. She didn’t listen. She probably didn’t even enjoy the CPR that saved her life.

Sheesh. So many people are complete ingrates.

Enjoy life. Enjoy death too, it’s an important part of life.

One of my sons really used to say that when he was a small kid. He liked seeing the dentist, asked about all the devices. Til today he takes good care of his teeth, just because the dentist did some fun things and took time for his questions.

Obviously, Pig never had laughing gas at the dentist.

Pig doesn’t seem to have any teeth, so he shouldn’t have a problem going to the dentist.

It’s the eye doctor that’s the worst for me. I swear, when they are using that large lens to shine light to see the back of my retina, they are really etching their initials back there.

Good for you Pig! You can have a great time anywhere, it’s all a matter of attitude.

Here’s another sentence that has never been said. Peanut butter nailed to a chair produces many hurricanes in Hungary during April Fool’s Day.

I always have a great time at the dentist. He’s a great guy, and every few years he’s got something new and cool. The latest: a gadget that replaces film for taking x-rays.

Here’s something that’s never been uttered:

I hope they make a Pluto Nash 2!

“That policy paper was a real page-turner, I couldn’t put it down”…

I thought it was ‘I hate being happy’, but Google says this is ancient history.

Whoa. Weird. We are leaving for the dentist in about 20 minutes. As soon as I finish these Oreos! Just kidding. We love our dentist and hygienists.

I actually enjoy the dentist. Just relax, lie back in the chair and have someone keep my mouth in good shape.

How about : Social media has improved my life.

Another thing that’s never been said, “Actually yes, your butt does look bigger.”

Well, no one’s ever said it and lived.

“You’re doing a great job here at the DMV”

Marcy Darcy always loved going to the dentist.

How about: She could be the next World chess champion.

Not just my opinion. I had to type it twice, because auto-correct changed my first try to – She could be the next World chessboard champion.

That’s definitely a sentence that has never been uttered before and never will again!

Is that the banjo player’s maserati?

There’s a reason no one ever utters those types of sentences, Pig, because people don’t usually find those types of things fun.

I have, in fact, had wonderful time at the dentist – but none of them seem to use nitrous oxide anymore……..

Back when dentists still gave you nitrous oxide, there were times I looked forward to going. Especially when it meant leaving work early

Well, it is opposite day today

I have a friend who,likes going to the dentist. The reason: when growing up his family was quite poor and he only went to the dentist when he had a really bad, persistent toothache. He associates the dentist with eliminating terrible pain.

He uttered an incomplete sentence, someone needs an English language class-(ESL?)

Oy! I had a very bad experience as a youth so when ever I go I clutch the arms very tightly!

I like getting my teeth cleaned!

I used to work for a lady who enjoyed dental visits. Said she used the time to take a nap. (Yes, she was a bit odd.)

Now that’s carrying optimism too far!!

Especially since I just DVD’d Corbin Bernsen in THE DENTIST—1996

Hopefully, they will reinstall his wisdom teeth.

Go to the dentist first thing in the morning; nothing worse can happen to you all day long!

Pig realizes that if he’s true to his teeth, they won’t be false to him!

Pretty sure that was said on an episode of Family Matters.

Dentists are always down in the mouth.

Don’t mind going to the dentist,at least I know where his hands are…

You’ll get no competition from me, Pig. ’Tis a far, far better thing you do than I have ever done before!

How about this? I can’t wait to pay my taxes!